Now that President Trump is about to assume the presidency again, what does the rest of 2025 hold?

Here are my predictions -- satirical, of course:

*January 20—A number of Democrats don’t attend the inauguration of Donald Trump, prompting most Americans to say, “Don’t care. Screw ‘em.”

*January 21—Democrats start new impeachment proceedings against President Trump.

*January 30—Former U.S. Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Mark Milley admits that the drones flying over the East Coast have “been ours all along.” He added, “My bad, I should’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve been distracted lately trying to save our democracy from Donald J. Trump.”

*January 31-- Milley recants his previous statement, now saying that he has “no idea who or what” is flying the drones over the U.S.

*February 1-- Milley swears that both of his previous statements concerning drone overflights of America’s East Coast have been “misinterpreted.” He now claims that, even though the drones have recently been proven to have Chinese markings on them, they are “likely from a scary alien planet that is cleverly trying to make it seem like the drones are Chinese.” He vows to alert his Chinese counterparts if Trump should decide to take assertive action against them.

*February 2—Several ‘RINOS’ step outside the Capitol Building offices, see their shadows, and scurry back inside, vowing not to come back out until Donald Trump is gone.

*February 10—California Gov. Gavin Newsom announces that those arsonists whose fires have caused less than $10,000 in damage will no longer be prosecuted.

*February 14—The Bidens, Schumers, and Pelosis have dinner at a favorite Chinese restaurant in D.C. For some reason, they are ‘comped.’

*February 16—The WHO, CDC, NIH, UN, and Dr. Fauci say the ‘Quad-demic’ of flu, norovirus, RSV, and COVID-25 mandate the total lockdown of everybody in the world.

*February 17—Pfizer announces that its new ‘Quad-demic’ mRNA vaccine is available worldwide…and is completely safe and 100% effective, adding, “No joke.”

*February 25—Barack Obama’s 17th ‘memoir’ hits bookstore shelves.

*February 25—Hillary Clinton’s fifth book explaining how she wrongfully lost the 2016 election to Trump hits bookstore shelves.

*March 17—Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) tearfully tells a gathering of news sources that “Not all Irish people are drunks. Some of them aren’t even Leprechauns. And not all of them are lucky, if you know what I mean.” No one does.

*April 1—Trump takes to Truth Social to say he is determined to invade Greenland, Panama, and Canada … all at the same time. He adds, “Just kidding! April fools!” Politifact and Snopes rate Trump’s “Just kidding” claim “false.”

*April 15—It dawns on most Americans that they really aren’t free -- in the sense that their government demands they hand over a very significant portion of their income in exchange for … the state doing things they fervently wish it didn’t. The concept of “taxation without representation” resurfaces.

*May 1—President Trump announces he has officially renamed the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America.

*May 2—Trump adds that he has also officially renamed New Mexico “West Texas.”

*May 26—President Trump, celebrating Memorial Day, urges Americans to focus on what is truly supposed to be observed and acknowledged, not the “frivolous stuff like barbeques and beer.” Snopes calls his statement “misinformation” and rates it “mostly false.”

*June 6—Minority leaders introduce legislation that would permanently ban the observation of the D-Day landings in favor of a perpetual federal holiday to be annually observed on January 6 acknowledging the “unprecedented existential horror of the massive Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol-- and democracy itself.”

*June 15—‘Squad’ members unequivocally state that acknowledging dads on this date serves only to perpetuate the straight, white, patriarchal hierarchy and the overarching “white supremacy.”

*June 28—The Chicago White Sox are mathematically eliminated from playoff contention.

*July 4—An MSNBC talking-head solemnly notes: “Celebrating July fourth, or any American holiday, is equivalent to condoning colonialism, slavery, genocide, misogyny, the destruction of our planet, Islamophobia, Transphobia, white supremacy, and irritable bowel syndrome.”

*August 3—Temperatures soar to temperatures commonly historically seen in early August, causing Al Gore and others of his ilk to state, “We now only have 6 years to save the planet by drastically reducing our greenhouse gases.” This in turn causes Americans, en masse, to realize they have precious little time to rid themselves of Al Gore and others of his ilk before their presence on the planet becomes utterly insufferable.

*September 2— Hillary Clinton says she could have beaten Trump in 2024.

*September 3—Joe Biden says he could have beaten Trump in 2024.

*September 4—Joe Biden passes away.

*September 9—Hillary and Bill Clinton, Kamala Harris, Barack Obama, and Nancy Pelosi—among others—profess their unwavering and extraordinary love for Joe Biden at his funeral. Nancy Pelosi glowingly eulogizes, fighting back tears.

*October 11—The Rolling Stones announce worldwide tour dates for 2026 and 2027.

*November 17—Newsom announces that California is now also a ‘sanctuary state’ for disgraced Democrat politicians.

*December 4—Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz announces that he is asking state legislators to propose legislation making Minnesota a sanctuary state for Pakistani rape gangs. He promises to sign any such bill, noting that his state has a town called ‘New London.’

*December 5-- Governors of New York, Illinois, Colorado, Washington, Oregon, and California immediately suggest similar proposals.

*December 31—CNN’s Anderson Cooper accidentally vomits on air after guzzling a glass filled with a mix of Wild Turkey and Clorox Bleach and taking several prolonged bong hits to celebrate the New Year.

That's all, folks!

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