Soon-to-be President Biden has a pen and a phone

Ron Klain, Biden’s incoming Chief of Staff, announced that Slow Joe is going to move fast the moment he enters office. In the first ten days of his administration, Joe is going to take a pen in his quivering hand and sign one executive order after another, all intended to push hard and fast on the radical policies so beloved on the left or to reinstate old Obama policies.

On the very day Biden is inaugurated, says Klain, he’ll deal with “four crises.” These are the Wuhan virus, economic problems, climate change, and racial equity. In addition, on his very first day, Biden promises to “restore humanity to our immigration system,” “make government function for the people,” and to “reverse the Muslim ban.”

At a more specific level, he promises to continue the pause on payments and interest accrual on student loans – that is, to make makes the working classes pay for education loans they didn’t assume and from which they didn’t benefit. He also says that he will immediately rejoin the Paris climate accord, which will hamstring the already badly-damaged U.S. economy. The third goal walks back the Obama administration’s designation of specific countries as hotbeds of possible terrorist activity. It’s difficult to see how any of these initiatives benefit Americans.

But wait! There’s more. On his energetic first day, Biden will also mandate masks for 100 days on federal property and “inter-state travel.” It’s unclear whether that last is meant to apply only to airplanes or if it also means that, if I’m driving with my family on an Interstate freeway, we’d better all be wearing masks. Lastly, on Day One, Biden plans to extend restrictions on evictions and foreclosures, which places an unconscionable burden on people whose only income derives from their real estate investments.

By his second day in office, that whirling dynamo that is Joe Biden will address the Wuhan virus crisis by reopening schools and businesses, something that’s suddenly safe to do now that Orange Man Bad has been removed from office. He’ll expand testing (something Trump already did), protect workers (something Trump already did), and establish clear public health standards (something he’d better clear with Fauci, who issues conflicting statements on an almost daily basis).

On his third day, the all-powerful Biden will order the acting heads of Cabinet agencies to do something to help working families. Perhaps the agencies will recommend that Biden refrain from rejoining the Paris accords, placing on taxpayers the burdens of student loans that benefit a fraction of the population, inviting into America millions of illegal immigrants who take jobs from those working families, and cozying up to China which is milking dry the American economy.

On his fifth through tenth days, Biden promises a “Buy American” campaign, which is weird considering that he’s actively importing unskilled labor from Latin America and is unfazed by exporting factories to China. He’s going to do lots of unspecified things for people who are not white and for women (apparently the women can be white).

Additionally, Biden plans to reform the criminal justice system. Of course, the last time he did that was in 1994, when he sent generations of black men to prison. It took Trump to get those fathers, sons, and brothers back into their homes.

The third through tenth days will see Biden do even more to save the earth’s climate. He will, of course, follow “science.” This is the same science that says that men and women can magically change sex, sometimes on an hourly basis. And that, if they say they’re a dragon’s spawn, we must believe them. Funnily enough, despite Biden’s promise during his town hall to use his first day to open the door entirely to transgenderism, that’s not on Klain’s list.

Lastly, Biden really, really wants to get illegal immigrants into the country. That won’t help all the black people Biden promises to lift back up from... from what, frankly? Trump created the best economy Blacks and Hispanics have seen in generations or ever.

Once those first days are done, the man who probably naps four hours a day, “will demonstrate that America is back and take action to restore America’s place in the world.” I’m not sure what the place is, but I’m pretty sure it’s not first. Heck, I’m not even sure it’s going to be in the top ten anymore.

IMAGE: Joe Biden. YouTube screengrab.