Confessions of a domestic extremist

On Thursday, President Joe Biden declared the followers of former President Trump, known as the Make America Great Again or MAGA Republicans, domestic extremists and enemies of democracy.  I think he wanted to call them terrorists, but he was beaten to it by Democrat adviser Kurt Bardella.

I admit I was quite surprised by this revelation.  I thought the MAGA folks were just ordinary Americans going about their daily routines and living their lives.  Who would have known?

While I don't own a MAGA hat or t-shirt, I have to confess I have been a MAGA sympathizer.  I once even contributed to the campaign of the Bad Orange Man.  Sorry if that makes anyone uncomfortable.

According to the President, we in the MAGA cadre are really bad apples.  Many of us shop at Walmart, Kroger, Dollar General, Target, Food Lion,, and many other retailers looking for groceries, clothing, furniture, toys, and other supplies we can use to overthrow the Republic.  Occasionally, we stop at Subway, McDonald's, Burger King, Applebee's, or any of a thousand other restaurants to meet our contacts in the MAGA hierarchy and get a bite to eat.  

My wife and I have been known to attend church once in a while.  I never realized that the after-service lunches were natural magnets for domestic extremists.  Those Jesus people going on about universal peace and love are just the worst.

Yes, we know that the national security apparatus monitors all phone, text, and email transmissions.  So we hold all our meetings and rallies in the local supermarkets' bread, dairy, and meat aisles.  If a customer walks up to the hamburger, looks at the price per pound, and says something like, "You have got to be kidding me!," chances are that he is a MAGA extremist.

MAGA folks have also been known to frequent the U.S. Post Office.  Most of our Let's Go Brandon disinformation is sent via microfilm on birthday cards, wedding announcements, sympathy cards, and Christmas greetings.

Local gas stations are another hotspot.  We don't use secret handshakes or MAGA colors to identify each other.  If we hear someone cursing under his breath while filling his tank, he is probably a MAGA operative.

I never thought of myself as an extremist, but here I am, threatening the foundation of the Republic.  I guess I and millions of others like me have been hiding in plain sight the whole time.

Let me put kidding aside and be serious for a moment.  

Joe, what is wrong with you?  Have you been sniffing Susan Rice's hair again?  Are you having manic episodes caused by ingesting too much ice cream?  Is your personal physician pumping you full of amphetamines before public appearances so you won't look like a feeble old man?  Or is all the bluster about Republicans exposing your son's shady business dealings?

Once upon a time, I raised my right hand and swore to defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic.  At that time, we had plenty of foreign enemies.  I could not conceive of domestic enemies powerful enough to require intervention by the military.  My reasoning was that the FBI and other law enforcement agencies could handle it.  But I was too trusting.  I never conceived what desperate Democrats would do to hang onto power.  And I never imagined that a segment of the FBI would abandon its role as public servants and become the Democrat party's version of the KGB.

Anyone with common sense would understand that political opposition is not the same as domestic extremism.  A peaceful protest is not an insurrection.  The MAGA people are not threatening the Republic.  I do not care what the January 6 Kangaroo Commission is pushing.

I don't own an AR-15, an AK-47, or any sort of assault weapon.  Never saw the need for it.  But the southern border is wide open, despite Secretary Mayorkas's worthless claims to the contrary.  Foreign terrorists can cross and may have crossed into our country.  Crime is up in almost every Democrat-run city.  So I understand why many citizens want to protect themselves and their property.  It is our right under the Second Amendment, whether you like it or not.

Lately, there has been a lot of talk from across the political spectrum about a second civil war.  Anyone who suggests that such a thing should happen is either insane or alarmingly naïve.  If an actual civil war broke out, the death and destruction this would cause would be beyond belief.  It would also leave us open to attack from our real enemies.

Joe, you seem to think some kind of uprising is imminent.  First, you condemn half of our citizens as extremists simply because they disagree with you on abortion, Critical Race Theory, transsexual grooming in public schools, or liberal climate change fantasies.  Then you threaten them with F-15s.  That sounds a lot more like Hitler than Roosevelt.

Yes, the military can be used to quell civil disturbances, such as riots.  But there are limits.  The military cannot violate constitutional freedoms or commit anything that could be considered a crime.  Those are illegal orders that the military does not have to follow.  Arresting Uncle Joe and Aunt Elly for wearing a MAGA shirt might fit into that category.

I seem to remember that after the American colonies won their independence, King George III could not handle the loss and went mad.  Is there a parallel here?  Are you going mad because you fear losing an election?  Just remember that the 25th Amendment is in the Constitution for a reason.

Oh, one more thing, Joe.  There is an old saying: you'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.  You have been around a long time.  I'm surprised you don't know that, or have you been immersed in politics too long?

Image: Gage Skidmore via Flickr (cropped).

If you experience technical problems, please write to