Comparing first ladies: Jill vs. Melania

If you watched, read, or listened to only the mendacious, Democrat bum–kissing mainstream media, Jill Biden — excuse me, Dr. Jill Biden! — would seem to be one of the most amazing women ever to have graced the White House.  This assumes we can all agree on the common meaning of "woman," not to mention "amazing," "ever," and "grace."

While Dr. Jill may have at some time been a graceful woman, and perhaps briefly amazing, she was never "ever" at anything, unless you count aggravated elder abuse.

But what of Melania Trump, the prior occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW, about whom nothing but ill was written during her four years in the East Wing?

How does First Lady Melania compare with Dr. Jill?

Fake Degrees

The jury's out on whether or not Melania from Slovenia actually earned a degree in architecture.  But Dr. Jill demands to be addressed as "doctor" because she has a doctorate in education, an Ed.D.

Advantage: MELANIA


Poor Dr. Jill was recently pictured on vacation in South Carolina, looking like fifteen pounds of dried potatoes stuffed into a pale blue six-pound sack.  Melania, on the other hand, looks marvelous in all her outfits.

Advantage: MELANIA

FBI Search–Worthy Underwear Drawer

The several dozen or so FBI goons who recently searched Melania Trump's underwear drawer in Mar-a-Lago no doubt had a good time — some of them, perhaps, for the first time in several years.  But sadly, it seems the FBI has shown absolutely no interest in searching through Dr. Jill's more-than-capacious polyester intimates.

Advantage: MELANIA


Melania Trump can speak five languages fluently — no small feat, that.  Based on her various speeches as first lady, Dr. Jill is clearly having trouble speaking one.  This, when she's not comparing Hispanics to breakfast tacos or lying about how hard her deeply senile and lost husband works.

Advantage: MELANIA

Unborn babies

Dr. Jill supports the right to kill them all, at any time in the pregnancy, and for any reason.  If you were Hunter's stepmom, you'd probably feel the same way.  Melania was demonized for having her son, Barron, and then being a stay-at-home mother to him.  How gauche!

Advantage: MELANIA

Animal resemblance

Melania walks like the long-legged model she is — like a panther, like a wild sexy panther, baby!  With her gray hair, prominent beak, and squat physique, Dr. Jill's more of a snow owl — lots of loud squawking and strutting, signifying nothing.

Advantage: MELANIA

Interesting conversation with husband

Melania can ask The Donald about conquering the real estate world, or rising to the top of reality TV, or winning the presidency.  Dr. Jill, on the other hand, can only listen as Crusty Joe recounts, for the hundredth time, how he faced off with the bad black dude Corn Pop before letting little kids play with his sun-bleached leg hair.

Advantage: MELANIA

First Lady Initiatives

Jill Biden has bravely undertaken the work, as First Lady, of supporting our armed forces, even as her sad, senile husband has made a joke of the American military by suddenly and quite surprisingly abandoning Afghanistan, leaving behind American citizens, allies, and sympathizers.  Melania is best know for her "Be Best" initiative, where she encouraged youngsters everywhere to, never mind.

Advantage: EVEN

Likely to be in the White House in '24

Assuming Crusty Joe's DoJ and FBI lapdogs don't ignite the Second Civil War by first indicting then arresting Donald Trump, Melania should be once again measuring the drapes in the Lincoln Bedroom in 2024.  The only thing Dr. Jill will be measuring at that time is Crusty Joe's fiber, salt, and H2O intake at some assisted living facility, assuming the president's advancing dementia doesn't take him out long before then.

Advantage: MELANIA

Like Hunter Biden on a crack binge with twin hookers, I could go on forever.  But the comparison between our last two first ladies is crystal-clear.  Melania is taller, younger, smarter, and much hotter; Dr. Jill, on the other hand, has both the physique and intellect of a breakfast taco: crusty on the outside, but strangely empty and unfulfilling inside.

She'll soon be forgotten, both by history and her husband.

Image: Melania Trump by DoD News, FlickrCC BY 2.0 (cropped); Jill Biden by Gage Skidmore, FlickrCC BY-SA 2.0 (cropped).

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