The wonders of life in Biden's America (satire)
Although the latest ABC News/Washington Post poll shows Joe Biden's approval at a dismal 37 percent, it still means millions of Americans think he's doing a good job. Who are they? A satirical look at a day in the life of a progressive.
The office finally reopened! I knew that Joe Biden would make the virus go away! To get there, I filled the car with gas at $6 a gallon — ouch! Of course, it's Donald Trump's fault. Trump should have done some digging himself to finish the Keystone Pipeline. I mean, he's a builder, right? President Biden canceled the Keystone Pipeline to save the environment, so it doesn't really matter that it makes us dependent on Russian oil. Go, Joe!
I like working in the office and being with people. Management said employees need to wear three masks and stand 20 feet apart. Started the day with a mandatory online training tutorial that all employees must watch. It's called "Providing Superb Customer Service While Embracing Black Lives Matter and Accepting Transgenders." It was fantastic, and I plan to watch it again tomorrow.
The break room has new company posters. My favorite shows our CEO standing by an assembly line holding a finished piece of equipment. He says, "Our product might be crap, but at least it was built by a diverse group of employees." It's in English and Chinese because the manufacturing plant is in Xinjiang, where all those happy Uyghur Muslims live. What a great company to work for!
Several coworkers had lunch at a nearby restaurant, but the service was very slow. The manager said he can't find enough employees, so servers must cover more tables. Obviously, if Donald Trump had worked with Bernie Sanders and AOC to raise the minimum wage to $45 an hour, we wouldn't have this problem. Can't you feel the "Bern"?
On my way home, I stopped in the grocery store and found empty shelves. But that's okay because after buying gas for my car, I had only enough money for one package of hot dogs. It's Donald Trump's fault that I can't afford prime rib.
Now that President Biden ended the virus, I am planning a party at my house. Everyone must show proof he's been vaccinated and boosted, wear a mask, use gloves when eating, stand 10 feet apart, and disinfect the bathroom every time he uses it. The party is going to be so much fun!
After dinner, it was parent-teacher meetings at school. He/they said my son got an A+ on his/them essay about the United States being founded by a bunch of racists. My daughter's painting showing Black Lives Matter burning a church won first prize and is on display in the main hallway. I am so proud of my kids.
Hubby said his car needs some repair work, but the parts are on backorder. If only Donald Trump had allowed manufacturing companies to build more plants in Communist China, we wouldn't have this supply chain problem. But what's important is that secretary of transportation Pete Buttigieg is home nursing his babies.
I suggested hubby take public transportation, as that helps save the environment. Everyone must make sacrifices. Look at Barack and Michelle Obama. They sacrificed by having one of their palatial mansions built inland rather than overlooking the water. This way, if climate change makes the oceans rise 0.0001 percent, the Obamas have a safe house to live in with Valerie Jarrett.
Finally, the long and busy day ended with us watching the latest news on MSNBC. Rachel Maddow did an expose about how Russia spelled backward is "aissur." If you say "aissur" fast, it sounds like "oh sure," which Trump once said during a press conference in 2017, so it's obvious that everything bad happening now is Donald Trump's fault.
As my husband and I said goodnight, we closed our eyes, happy in the knowledge that Joe Biden is running the country from his Delaware basement. Whatever happens tomorrow, it will be Donald Trump's fault.
You can reach Robin Itzler at PatriotNeighbors@yahoo.com.