If progressives remade classic Christmas movies

Steven Spielberg's updated flop of the iconic 1961 classic West Side Story is another example of "go woke, go broke."  At this most magical time of the year, it made me wonder how progressives might revise classic Christmas movies:

Miracle on 34th Street: Renamed Situation on 34th Street because atheists don't believe in miracles.  Drunk Santa Claus is sent to rehab for his alcohol addiction.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation: The Griswold cat is replaced with a conservative talk show radio host.

Home Alone: Kevin McCallister sues his parents for accidentally leaving him home in Chicago and lets the Wet Bandits burglars take everything.

Bad Santa: Willie T. Soke's Santa Claus and his dwarf assistant Marcus Skidmore switch from robbing department stores at night to daytime smash-and-grabs.

March of the Wooden Soldiers: Classic Laurel & Hardy film opens with a Wooden Lives Matter protest.

A Christmas Carol: Republican Ebenezer Scrooge is visited by the ghost of his former business partner Democrat Jacob Marley.  Stacey Abrams makes a cameo.  Tiny Tim endorses Abrams for Georgia governor.

Little Women: Recast with daughters who are gay, trans, binary, and bisexual.

Image: Disturbed Christmas Tree by Cameron Stewart (edited in befunky).  Unsplash license.

Office Christmas Party: During the Zenotek Christmas party, employees are offered safe spaces in case the holiday celebration depresses them.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Documentary about bullying.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas: Greens descend on Whoville, claiming they can steal whatever they want because it's reparations.

Meet Me in St. Louis: Rapper Cardi B sings "Have Yourself a Merry Little Winter Solstice."

A Christmas Story: David Hogg convinces Ralphie not to ask for a Red Ryder BB gun.  Alec Baldwin makes a public service announcement.

Holiday Inn: Democrat mayor converts the hotel into a homeless shelter.  Eminem begs forgiveness before singing "White Christmas."

It's a Wonderful Life: Playing one of George Bailey's neighbors, Al Sharpton rushes in during the final scene shouting, "No justice, no wonderful life!"

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