A modest proposal for the unvaccinated
(This post is satire.)
With the delta variant raging across the world, the time has come to take stern measures against the unvaccinated. Let me make clear that these measures should not be employed against illegal aliens or BLM riot...er, sorry, protesters, as COVID is a threat only from Trump supporters. It's not as if we're dealing with the Black Death, which killed one-third of the population in the Middle Ages. COVID is not Ebola with a 90% mortality rate. COVID is far more serious. It has only a 98% survivability rate! That means 2% of the people who catch COVID are going to die. Two percent! This cannot be tolerated any longer.
Going forward, we must no longer use gentle persuasion on the unvaccinated. They are easy to identify because they don't wear masks. It would be a simple matter for the police to demand to see the papers (i.e., vaccination cards) of every unmasked person they see. Anyone unable to produce a vaccination card can be ticketed on the spot. A hefty fine may persuade some to get the vaccine. However, we must have a plan B, and the infrastructure is already in place.
What I propose is re-education camps for the unvaccinated who are resistant to fines. They can be relocated to camps in suitable locations, such as Tule Lake, where an internment camp already exists. It hasn't been used since World War II but could be put in working order. These camps need not cost the taxpayers any money, the unvaccinated's property can be confiscated to cover the expense.
The guards...er, staff would be trained to administer vaccines, and the unvaccinated could be released once they have done their part and submitted to immunization. They would be admonished to wear masks, of course, and a special tattoo on their arm could denote their former detention status. This would be helpful to police checking papers, as those who have been vaccinated and are now immune to COVID could be returned for further re-education if they are again caught without masks.
We all know that the vaccine is very safe and extremely effective at preventing illness. That's why masks are so important to prevent catching COVID once we're immunized against it. The miracles of modern medicine will not work without a small piece of cloth on the face, preferably over the nose and mouth, although their COVID-resistant properties are so powerful they will work even when they are covering only the mouth, or are pulled under the chin or dangling from one ear.
During this crisis, we cannot allow commonsense measures that have been used in the past during epidemics, such as trusting people to protect themselves from illness, concentrating on finding effective treatments, and quarantining those who are actually sick. Nor can we permit very old people who don't have long to live to have visits in nursing homes from their family and friends. Someone with only a week or two to live might catch COVID, and that is unthinkable.
We must mandate masks for young children who are not vulnerable to COVID, lest they go to school and socialize with their friends. Our Australian friends clearly understand that socialization caused this pandemic in the first place, for they've barred all socialization going forward.
After all, it's not as if COVID is here to stay and we'll have to learn to live with it, like the flu or the common cold. If we all do our part, COVID will go away forever, and we can finally return to being a free country where everyone can exercise the God-given rights codified in the Constitution of the United States.
Pandra Selivanov is the author of Future Slave, a story about a 21st-century black teenager who is sent back in time and becomes a slave in the old south.
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