Now hiring: Facebook fact-checkers

Are you a recent college graduate who can't find a job because you majored in gender studies, art history, or interpretive dance?  If so, you should consider an exciting and rewarding career as a Facebook fact-checker! 

Fact-checking has become one of the fastest growing specialties within the booming tech industry.  There's just so much disinformation out there, including things we disagree with, things that might make people less likely to vote for progressives, and things we just find icky.  That's why good fact-checkers are in such high demand! 

But don't worry — fact-checking doesn't require a great deal of knowledge or actual education, much less critical thinking skills.  That's why it's perfect for today's college graduates.  In fact, there's only one real job requirement: you must have spent the last five years in a progressive bubble, where literally everyone you know believes things like "a man can have a baby," "climate change will destroy the planet in 12 years," and "Joe Biden in not suffering from dementia." 

As we said, it's ideal for recent grads. 

As a Facebook fact-checker, you will utilize time-tested and totally valid propaganda techniques in the pursuit of relative truth, social justice, and the un-American way.  For example, you'll learn all about creating straw men, which is helpful when someone says something on Facebook that makes you feel uncomfortable but that you can't actually disprove.  As a fact-checker, you can simply accuse them of saying something obviously false that they never said. 

Let's say an unwoke Facebook-user — and, sadly, there are many — posts a link to a CDC report that shows that only 6 percent of reported COVID deaths were people who died of COVID alone, while the other 94 percent had an average of 3.8 comorbidities.  All you have to do to thwart this blatant attempt to spread disinformation by citing scientific data is to tag the post as "Partly False," with a note explaining that the CDC did not say only 6 percent of reported COVID deaths actually died due to COVID. 

Of course, the CDC didn't say that!  And neither did the person who posted the link.  But now the miscreant is thoroughly discredited, while Facebook users everywhere are protected from a very uncomfortable truth.  See how easy that is? 

Another useful technique involves conflating fact with opinion.  It may be true that, objectively speaking, a person's opinion can be wrong but not "false."  Fortunately, as a Facebook fact-checker, you have no obligation to be objective.  Any opinion you disagree with can simply be labeled "false," regardless of the validity of the arguments.  

For example, if a user posts an article in which scientists make scientific arguments against mass mask-wearing, but you believe that everyone should wear a mask all the time, if not two or three — because who doesn't believe that, right? — you can delegitimize his post with one simple sentence: "Scientific evidence supports the use of face masks for reducing the transmission of respiratory diseases including COVID-19." 

The best part is, it's absolutely true: some low-level observational and experiential evidence does support that position.  Of course, plenty of high-level scientific evidence, such as randomized controlled testing, disputes it.  That's why it's called an argument.  But none of that matters!  As a Facebook fact-checker, you're not really concerned with argument, much less evidence.  It's the narrative that counts. 

And as a valued member of Facebook's ace fact-checking team, you get to control the narrative.  So apply now, before spring arrives and a bunch of newly minted humanities Ph.D.s take all these awesome $15-an-hour jobs! 

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