'LearnToCode' alternatives

It seems as though whenever some group experiences job loss, politicians and journalists toss off a flip "learn to code" admonition.  Without knowing anything about the skills involved in jobs being lost, nor of the skills required for code, they assume that old job skills are relatively transportable to new jobs in utterly different industries.

There are people with degrees in computer science and information technology who cannot find a placement, but you could get lucky.  You could take some sort of free online tutorials in C++ and then pass a certification exam (which isn't free), actually get hired, and be amazing.  However, you do have other options.

What with the increasing tendency to virtual classrooms, why not #LearnToTeach?  In the old days, it was a difficult and noble profession, but not anymore.  Now it seems mostly to consist of reciting socialist talking points about equity and the like.  You may not even need a teaching certificate, or you may be able to get credit for life experience.  You will be a more effective teacher than most currently on the job if you're just willing to go to the school and deal with the student in person.  I suggest a group of you get together and contact Lori Lightfoot, who has credentialed teachers who want to be paid for not working.  She might be ready to pull a Ronald Reagan and fire them all, replacing them with people who want to work.

In a similar vein, you could #LearnToJourno.  I'm not a "journalist," but like teaching, it seems to consist of reciting leftist talking points, which are provided every day.  I don't know if input comes from multiple sources, but newspapers and TV networks often use all the same turns of phrase.  I expect you can probably blend them together seamlessly in an effort to appear original.  As far as I know, a journalism degree is optional.  If you have internet access, there's no reason why you cannot work from your current home, a big plus!

Now, if the teaching gig falls through and the journo industry is already overcrowded (some of them have also lost their jobs), there are a couple of other options.  My favorite is #LearnToCampaign.  That's right — run for office!  Start trying to raise money to get elected to some office.  Hire your spouse or child in some capacity and let your family members support the family so you don't appear to be skimming from the election fund for personal corrupt gain.  (Note: If running as a Democrat, this may not be an issue.)  It isn't necessary to actually get elected.  The Democrats will see that the "proper outcome" happens whether anyone votes or not.  And unlike the old days, when campaign season was less than a year before the election; now it goes on forever!  After the election, blame your loss on not raising enough money and swear to keep going, continuing to raise money and campaign.  It's said that a politician who is poor is a poor politician, so be brazen and beg for money as a RINO does for Democrat approval.

I have one last suggestion, with a caveat.  #LearnToWhine, as all activists do.  Don't worry about being white; you can claim to be transgender!  Bonus points if you pull off the scam of claiming Hispanic heritage or American Indian ancestry.  If accused, double down!  Call your detractors racists.  Claim to be traumatized because of the violence of their words, summon up a few tears if you can, or attribute your lack thereof to your personal bravery and vow not to be intimidated by their hate speech.

I started writing this as a satire.  Rereading it, it sounds surprisingly like a workable plan.

Image: PxHere.

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