Wrecking America one cool mask at a time

The cool kids have decided that wearing a mask is cool. 

Don’t you want to be cool and accepted by the cool kids?

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D) on Tuesday said that wearing a mask was “cool” and suggested he wanted to sign an executive order that said, “Wearing a mask is officially cool.”

“Wearing a mask is now cool,” Cuomo said. “I believe it’s cool… Wearing a mask is officially cool.”

It sounds like Cuomo is trying to convince himself that something bizarre and inane is cool. 

He wasn’t wearing a mask as he said it, so I must question whether the guy is as cool as he thinks he is.  If you’re not wearing a mask how cool can you be? 

All those cool rioters and looters in Minneapolis were cool enough to have their masks handy because you wouldn’t want to infect a fellow plunderer; that wouldn’t be cool.

And just look at all the cool people throughout history who wore cool masks.  The Lone Ranger comes to mind.  He was cool.  Oh, those medieval guys who ran chop houses and oversaw hangings, they wore really cool masks.  More recently any cool kid ganged up with Antifa had a decorator mask.  They looked so cool as they diverted gramps and granny from the streets of Portland while calling them “little white f***ers.”  As if that wasn’t cool enough, sometimes they got to chase a little old man down the street, pull him from his car and give the bird a real cool beating.

The coolest thing about masks is they free your inner ugly.  No one knows who you are so you don’t have to behave civilly.  You can yell at mother and child in a grocery store, really lay into both of them in a manner Torquemada would have relished, and walk home feeling good because you only wanted to protect yourself and others.

Had the governors done their job correctly we wouldn’t be in this mess.  They ruled like the eighteen-year-old prom kings and queens they essentially are.  Their medical advisor s failed for lack of direction and sense of purpose.  The whole system collapsed because it was ignored like that dam in central Michigan.

I don’t need these inept idiots telling me masks are “officially cool.”

Don’t they know how stupid they sound?

This morning twelve of the fourteen stores that occupy a strip mall around the corner from my house are shuttered.  The grocery and the tobacco store are the sole survivors after Gretchen Whitmer waved her magic prom queen scepter.

Remember when President Trump talked about s**thole countries? It only took a viral excuse and eight weeks for Democratic s**theads to turn my Michigan into just that. 

I’m going to need more than a mask to be “officially cool” with that.