Ten reasons to immigrate to Iran

Iranian officials and the Islamic Republic's propaganda machine usually complain that Western media do not report the realities of Iran under the IRI.  To cover this guilt, the Western media send a correspondent to Iran, and he tries to find positive things to say about the country.  What is missing here is a lot of interesting aspects of Iran under the mullahs.  Some of these aspects are so fantastic that they may encourage Westerners to move to the country.

Here you have ten reasons to move to Iran under the Islamist rule:

1. If you are a child-molester and want to have four permanent nine- to fifteen-year-old wives and unlimited non-permanent wives (more than nine years old), you should immigrate to Iran.  All these relationships are legal and cheap in the country.  You can even informally purchase a girl for some thousand dollars in some deprived provinces.  Not even in Saudi Arabia can you do child marriage anymore, but it is free in Iran.  Lovers of child marriage have an oasis there.

2. If you hate paying taxes and you work in the private sector, Iran is your heaven.  You can be a physician and make a fortune, not paying a penny to IRS.  You can do it in Iran by receiving cash from your patients.

3. If you want to get super-rich (more than 100 million dollars), it is very easy: register yourself in the Basiji militia in high school and college.  Then work for the IRGC security branch and be courageous in persecuting, torturing, and killing dissidents.  In ten years, you will have riches no one can imagine even in developed and capitalist societies.  The government will sell you government-owned companies for one tenth of the normal price and give you low-interest loans to do the transaction.

4. If you are looking for a young and cheap prostitute, Iran is your destination.  The age of prostitution has decreased to 13 in recent years, and you can procure basic "services" for two dollars.

5. If you hate laws and regulations, Iran is your hometown.  Laws and regulations are passed to be violated by the powerful and well connected.  Although all the laws favor the Islamist strata, they are thrown in the garbage bin for the sake of Islamic expediency.

6. If you want to get away from any fiscal or other kind of punishments, you should know that Iran is the land of bribe.  You can buy anyone, from police officers to physicians, from judges to politicians.  People are not usually expensive.

7. If you hate America, Israel, Western civilization, human rights, individualism, and the LGBT community, the Islamic republic is your hometown.  Free expression and free media, transparency, accountability, and democracy are worthless, and you are free to ignore them.  You will be rewarded for carrying and expressing hatred in these veins.

8. If you want religious dos and don'ts enforced everywhere by the government, Iran is your homeland.  Big, fat government is realized in the country to empower religious groups.  You cannot even have a piece of bread or a glass of water without government input or interference.

9. If you love a country in which life without lying is impossible, you should move to Iran.  Telling lie is a habit, and you are not blamed when your lies are detected.

10. If you feel good being a member of militia groups that have absolute power over people's lives, Iran is your country.  If you have a crush on a girl, you can pick her up in the street and take her to the local Basij building.  Then you have the power to hold and harass her.  A girl in Hamedan committed suicide after she was arrested by Basij forces.  She was allegedly raped by Basij members.   

Yes, Iran has beautiful mountains and deserts, marvelous monuments, and some friendly people, but her laws and political regime are terrible.  The food is great, but not all people have enough of it.  Some neighborhoods in Tehran and Shiraz and Isfahan are nice, but the rest of the country is a big slum.  The foreign correspondents are usually sent to these nice places...accompanied by their government chaperons.

Iranian officials and the Islamic Republic's propaganda machine usually complain that Western media do not report the realities of Iran under the IRI.  To cover this guilt, the Western media send a correspondent to Iran, and he tries to find positive things to say about the country.  What is missing here is a lot of interesting aspects of Iran under the mullahs.  Some of these aspects are so fantastic that they may encourage Westerners to move to the country.

Here you have ten reasons to move to Iran under the Islamist rule:

1. If you are a child-molester and want to have four permanent nine- to fifteen-year-old wives and unlimited non-permanent wives (more than nine years old), you should immigrate to Iran.  All these relationships are legal and cheap in the country.  You can even informally purchase a girl for some thousand dollars in some deprived provinces.  Not even in Saudi Arabia can you do child marriage anymore, but it is free in Iran.  Lovers of child marriage have an oasis there.

2. If you hate paying taxes and you work in the private sector, Iran is your heaven.  You can be a physician and make a fortune, not paying a penny to IRS.  You can do it in Iran by receiving cash from your patients.

3. If you want to get super-rich (more than 100 million dollars), it is very easy: register yourself in the Basiji militia in high school and college.  Then work for the IRGC security branch and be courageous in persecuting, torturing, and killing dissidents.  In ten years, you will have riches no one can imagine even in developed and capitalist societies.  The government will sell you government-owned companies for one tenth of the normal price and give you low-interest loans to do the transaction.

4. If you are looking for a young and cheap prostitute, Iran is your destination.  The age of prostitution has decreased to 13 in recent years, and you can procure basic "services" for two dollars.

5. If you hate laws and regulations, Iran is your hometown.  Laws and regulations are passed to be violated by the powerful and well connected.  Although all the laws favor the Islamist strata, they are thrown in the garbage bin for the sake of Islamic expediency.

6. If you want to get away from any fiscal or other kind of punishments, you should know that Iran is the land of bribe.  You can buy anyone, from police officers to physicians, from judges to politicians.  People are not usually expensive.

7. If you hate America, Israel, Western civilization, human rights, individualism, and the LGBT community, the Islamic republic is your hometown.  Free expression and free media, transparency, accountability, and democracy are worthless, and you are free to ignore them.  You will be rewarded for carrying and expressing hatred in these veins.

8. If you want religious dos and don'ts enforced everywhere by the government, Iran is your homeland.  Big, fat government is realized in the country to empower religious groups.  You cannot even have a piece of bread or a glass of water without government input or interference.

9. If you love a country in which life without lying is impossible, you should move to Iran.  Telling lie is a habit, and you are not blamed when your lies are detected.

10. If you feel good being a member of militia groups that have absolute power over people's lives, Iran is your country.  If you have a crush on a girl, you can pick her up in the street and take her to the local Basij building.  Then you have the power to hold and harass her.  A girl in Hamedan committed suicide after she was arrested by Basij forces.  She was allegedly raped by Basij members.   

Yes, Iran has beautiful mountains and deserts, marvelous monuments, and some friendly people, but her laws and political regime are terrible.  The food is great, but not all people have enough of it.  Some neighborhoods in Tehran and Shiraz and Isfahan are nice, but the rest of the country is a big slum.  The foreign correspondents are usually sent to these nice places...accompanied by their government chaperons.