Liberals demand the PGA Tour ban metal-headed golf clubs

SATIRE

As reported by ESPN's Bob Harig, a spectator was badly injured during the second round of the WinCo Foods Portland Open when the blade of a 7-iron snapped off and hit him in the head.  Six stitches were required at the hospital to stanch the bleeding.

The mishap occurred on the par 3 15th hole during the second round of the competition when pro golf pro Kevin Stadler, son of the 1982 Masters winner Craig Stadler, angrily slammed his 7-iron into the ground after hitting a bad shot, causing the head to fly off.  Pro golfer Shaun Micheel witnessed the accident and posted this on Facebook.  The post is no longer publicly available.

I had my head down but the club head flew behind me and hit a spectator to my right.  It's been awhile since I've seen so much blood.  We stayed with him for about 15 minutes before the EMTs arrived[.] ... The player [Stadler] was absolutely shattered and we did our best to keep his spirits up.  This was not done on purpose and we were astounded at the way the club was directed but it just shows you how dangerous it is to throw or break clubs.  Each of us in the group learned something today.

Reaction from liberals was swift and categorical:

Nancy Pelosi: "I see no reason why golf clubs must be made of metal.  The PGA Tour should ban the lot of them, immediately.  When I played the game as a young girl, they were made of wood and worked just fine."

Joe Biden: "I agree with Nancy 100 percent.  My clubs were made of wood too.  Why, I even carved them myself out of tree branches, like Sam Snead."

Steny Hoyer: "At the request of our esteemed minority leader, I will introduce a bill in Congress banning the use of metal-headed golf clubs in PGA tour events.  Imagine if Stadler had cracked the head of a driver.  Why, the spectator might have been killed."

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: "Metal golf clubs are obviously as dangerous as guns and should be treated similarly.  Besides, golf is an elitist game and should be eliminated."

Barack Obama: "I will take the lead and voluntarily destroy all my golf clubs.  Companies should be encouraged to explore using non-lethal materials."

Bill Clinton: "I agree with President Obama.  Our foundation will consider investing in such companies.  We recommend locating them in Haiti."

Stay tuned as Planned Parenthood, the ASPCA, the ACLU, the Sierra Club, Greenpeace, and other liberal organization find an angle to this story that fits their, um, narrative.

SATIRE

As reported by ESPN's Bob Harig, a spectator was badly injured during the second round of the WinCo Foods Portland Open when the blade of a 7-iron snapped off and hit him in the head.  Six stitches were required at the hospital to stanch the bleeding.

The mishap occurred on the par 3 15th hole during the second round of the competition when pro golf pro Kevin Stadler, son of the 1982 Masters winner Craig Stadler, angrily slammed his 7-iron into the ground after hitting a bad shot, causing the head to fly off.  Pro golfer Shaun Micheel witnessed the accident and posted this on Facebook.  The post is no longer publicly available.

I had my head down but the club head flew behind me and hit a spectator to my right.  It's been awhile since I've seen so much blood.  We stayed with him for about 15 minutes before the EMTs arrived[.] ... The player [Stadler] was absolutely shattered and we did our best to keep his spirits up.  This was not done on purpose and we were astounded at the way the club was directed but it just shows you how dangerous it is to throw or break clubs.  Each of us in the group learned something today.

Reaction from liberals was swift and categorical:

Nancy Pelosi: "I see no reason why golf clubs must be made of metal.  The PGA Tour should ban the lot of them, immediately.  When I played the game as a young girl, they were made of wood and worked just fine."

Joe Biden: "I agree with Nancy 100 percent.  My clubs were made of wood too.  Why, I even carved them myself out of tree branches, like Sam Snead."

Steny Hoyer: "At the request of our esteemed minority leader, I will introduce a bill in Congress banning the use of metal-headed golf clubs in PGA tour events.  Imagine if Stadler had cracked the head of a driver.  Why, the spectator might have been killed."

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: "Metal golf clubs are obviously as dangerous as guns and should be treated similarly.  Besides, golf is an elitist game and should be eliminated."

Barack Obama: "I will take the lead and voluntarily destroy all my golf clubs.  Companies should be encouraged to explore using non-lethal materials."

Bill Clinton: "I agree with President Obama.  Our foundation will consider investing in such companies.  We recommend locating them in Haiti."

Stay tuned as Planned Parenthood, the ASPCA, the ACLU, the Sierra Club, Greenpeace, and other liberal organization find an angle to this story that fits their, um, narrative.