White House Job Opening

Almost plausible.

 

(Satire)

 

WHITE HOUSE JOB OPENING

– DIRECTOR OF SOPHISTRY –

 

JOB TITLE: Director of the Office of Sophistry

DEPARTMENT: Executive Branch

DIVISION: Propaganda, Disinformation, and Logical Fallacy

SALARY RANGE: Vastly Overpaid Consistent with Other WH Staff Positions

SUPERVISED BY: Valerie Jarret, Josh Earnest, and Community Organizer and Chief

 

GENERAL PURPOSE

The art of sophistry, using information that sounds correct but is deliberately false, is essential to effective operation of this administration.  This is a highly responsible position that supports every employee of the executive branch.  This includes collaborating with scheming Marxist leaders, propagandizing administration spokespeople, and egotistical redistributive apparatchik White House staff members who are all dedicated to facilitating an anti-American “New World Order” agenda by deceiving the public at every opportunity.

 

DESIRED QUALIFICATIONS - EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE

  • Graduation from elite Ivy League university in which you excelled in subversive ideologies and collectivist utopian dogma
  • Degree in manipulative journalism with special emphasis in subterfuge, hoodwinking, and fabrication
  • Experience in a governmental or public agency office with a portfolio demonstrating skills of duplicity, duping, and prevarication.  Additional experience over and above these valued abilities including hyping media, misdirecting legal authorities, and finessing responses to congressional inquiries is highly regarded.
  • Demonstrate familiarity with classic and modern masters of propaganda and be able to update and apply their essential communication concepts including but not limited to the following:

- “Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it.”

- "It also gives us a very special, secret pleasure to see how unaware the people around us are of what is really happening to them."

- “It is not truth that matters, but victory.”

                                      Adolf Hitler

- "The people who cast the votes decide nothing.  The people who count the votes decide everything."

- “The press must grow day in and day out.  It is our Party's sharpest and most powerful weapon.”

                                 Joseph Stalin

- "Only the mob and the elite can be attracted by the momentum of totalitarianism itself.  The masses have to be won by propaganda."

                                Hannah Arendt

 

DIRECTOR OF SOPHISTRY WILL

  • Be highly creative, imaginative, and deceitful
  • Be comfortable with half-truths, fairy tales, and fabrications
  • Have strong writing skills that can seamlessly deny reality and easily torture truth
  • Have ability to conceal disdain and disrespect for taxpayers, the media, outsiders, and especially ignorant cretins clinging to their guns and Western religion
  • Be deaf to reason, rationality, and the GOP
  • Be able to redirect blame, cast aspersions, and concoct groundless accusations against political enemies
  • Have proven skills in using social media to send a lie halfway around the world before truth gets its pants on

 

THE SOPHISTRY DIRECTOR DUTIES

  • Prepare all presidential speeches, talking points, and presentations using distortion, deception, and deceit
  • Develop justifications for White House and federal agency staff that invent, dodge, and cook up schemes that exonerate their illegal, un-American actions
  • Concoct false narratives and identify smooth-talking dupes to deliver them
  • Create new “Wars on (fill in the blank)” to deepen the concept of victimization in support of the WH
  • Creatively employ coercive language in new ways to indict moral, hard-working, patriotic Americans
  • Ensure that any allegations of misconduct, overreach, or malfeasance against the president and his staff are turned against the accusers, to their everlasting regret.  Additionally that they are added to the WH enemy’s list and that the fabricated narrative created about them devastates their careers and personal lives.

 

OVERALL WORK SCOPE AND RESPONSIBILITY

Pretense, plotting, and deception are essential to the successful functioning of this position.  Misleading the public, the media, and foreign interests is key to the overall effectiveness of the Sophistry Director.

The Sophistry Director is accountable for propaganda, checking all White House and federal agency content to insure that it is consistent with the administration’s goal of fundamentally transforming America into a communist hell-hole.