Could Hillary's personality be improved with Ben Carson's help?
Hillary's handlers have leaked to the press that Hillary is planning to be more spontaneous, more human than before. The contradiction in terms is laughable. Plainly enough, Hillary has a personality problem. But then I started wondering, could Ben Carson, a renowned neurosurgeon, help her? What if Carson opened up Mrs. Clinton's skull during exploratory brain surgery and tried to stimulate different parts of her brain?
Honesty. If Dr. Carson can locate the part of Hillary's brain responsible for honesty, perhaps he could stimulate it or transplant brain cells there from a non-politician.
Autism. When Hillary makes jokes about cleaning her server "with a cloth" or complaining about the rich when she herself has raked in hundreds of millions of dollars for her "foundation," that's tone deafness, or autism, an inability not just to relate to others but to understand how one comes across when talking. If Dr. Carson can increase the connections between brain cells, perhaps Hillary can have greater self-awareness. Just watch this video of Hillary dancing with some kind of black rapper. She obviously thinks she's being cool, but in reality she looks like she's doing Tai Chi at a senior center. That's a total lack of self-awareness.
Myopia. Myopia, nearsightedness, is usually associated with a problem of the eye, but I think willful myopia is brain-centered. When Hillary talks non-stop about "wimmen and girls, wimmen and girls!" while acting unaware of her own molesting husband's activities, there is a mental myopia going on there, a physical barrier in Mrs. Clinton's brain that Dr. Carson could break down, perhaps with some power tools normally used to open the skull in brain surgery cases like Mrs. Clinton's.
Tone of voice. In The Planet of the Apes films humans had their brains operated on so they could no longer speak. I wonder if Hillary could be operated on so that she could still speak, but in a softer, less grating tone of voice. And if Dr. Carson made a mistake, and actually rendered Hillary a mute, that would still be an improvement.
Personal warmth. Perhaps Dr. Carson can graft some friendliness, or warmth in Mrs. Clinton. Women have evolved over thousands of years to be friendly to men so men will feed them and make them large with babies. Of course, with the advent of women in the workplace, and willing sperm donors, these needs are not quite as essential as they once were. Mrs. Clinton seems to have failed to inherit the biological urge to be friendly towards others. Perhaps Dr. Carson could transplant some of Mr. Clinton's legendary friendliness into his wife. It's about time she took something else from him after all these years, don't you think?
If you were doing brain surgery on Hillary, what else would you gift her with?
This article was written by Ed Straker, senior writer of NewsMachete.com, the conservative news site.