This Just In: Brainless Boson Outwits Scientists

The science headlines as of late have been all a-titter over the looming discovery of the Higgs boson, or, as it is more often referred to (in order to sell more newspapers), "the God Particle." Others call it "the champagne bottle boson," while at least one physicist prefers "the Goddamn Particle," which "might be a more appropriate title, given its villainous nature and the expense it is causing." (See:  Leon M. Lederman and Dick Teresi (1993). The God Particle: If the Universe is the Answer, What is the Question. Houghton Mifflin Company.) The Higgs boson, must you know, is only theoretical at the moment. Predicted by the Standard Model of particle physics, it is believed to be an elementary particle, unique for giving matter the property of mass. While its discovery is not that important to, say, Joe the Plumber, it is the stuff particle physicists live for. Nothing warms the cockles of a physicist's heart more than discovering some key component that helps explain the...(Read Full Article)