Cuba's Latest Whopper

The U.S. Defense Dept. "caused the Haiti earthquake with electromagnetic shock-wave bombs," reports the Castro regime. "Iran is Next."

Intrepid bloggers at Babalu Blog discovered the stunning revelation above in an exclusive article on a website run by the Castro regime titled Verdades de Cuba (Cuban Truths). Russian intelligence, we learn upon reading, recently arrived at the determination and vouchsafed it (apparently exclusively) to their vital Cuban allies.

It seems that the Russian Northern Fleet -- in particular its flagship, the Peter the Great -- has been closely monitoring U.S. Navy hanky-panky in the Caribbean for two years now. "Lately the U.S. has made tremendous advances in their Earthquake weapons," report the Russians via the Cubans. U.S. satellites allow for the aiming and concentration of these powerful radio frequencies, which harness the natural interaction of forces between the ionosphere and the earth's fault lines.

An ultra-secret unit within the U.S. Defense Department codenamed Project HAARP (High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program) is the central culprit, we learn, and has diversified its line of lethal radio frequencies to produce floods, droughts, and hurricanes, along with earthquakes -- of which the Haitian is in fact only the latest.

Only last month, Project HAARP unleashed a demo earthquake near Eureka, California that registered 6.5 on the Richter scale. And the May 2008 earthquake that shook Szechuan China and registered 7.8 was also the handiwork of the U.S.'s Project HAARP.

Long suspicious of the U.S. Caribbean fleet, the Russians were tipped off when Lieut. Gen. Ken Keen of the U.S. Southern Command was deployed to Haiti before the earthquake. This proved that the Yankees well knew the devastation they'd unleash and so wanted to invade Haiti "firstest with the mostest," as the saying goes in U.S. Army lingo. These U.S. "boots on the ground" under the camouflage of "earthquake relief" will soon replace the U.N. peacekeepers completely and nail down the long-planned Yankee colonization of Haiti.

The Russians aren't quite sure whether this is the last demo quake. Some Project HAARP-induced hurricanes and tsunamis may also be in the offing. But they're convinced that once the tests satisfy the Yankee military cabal with their powers of electromagnetic sonic destruction, Iran is in for it. The U.S.-created Haiti quake will appear a trifle in comparison to the U.S.-created Iran quake.

So who could possibly believe this, you ask? Actually, in light of his record in this regard, I'd say Castro has good reason for optimism. To wit:

He's convinced many of the "enlightened" worldwide that:

A: the U.S. maintains a strangulating commercial and aid embargo against Cuba.

When in fact: For almost a decade, the U.S. has been Cuba's largest food supplier and among her top ten trade partners. Just last year the U.S. racked up $708,000 in sales to Cuba. Plus, for a decade, the U.S. has been Cuba's main donor of humanitarian aid, including food and medicine.

B. His regime provides all Cubans (and many in the third world) with free and exquisite health care.

When in fact: As befits a nation with a higher per-capita income than half of Europe, pre-Castro Cuba's infant mortality rate was the 13th-lowest in the world (lower than in Germany, France, Japan, and Israel, among many other first-world nations). Today, it ranks 40th from the top, with most of the nations behind Cuba in 1958 now far ahead. This current infant-mortality rate, by the way, is also kept artificially low by an abortion rate of 0.71, the hemisphere's highest (and hovering among the world's top five for the past two decades), which "terminates" any pregnancy that even hints at trouble. Cuba's suicide rate is also currently the hemisphere's highest, triple its rate during the unspeakable Batista era. More tellingly, according to a report by the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons, more than 75% of "doctors" with Cuban "medical degrees" flunk the exam given by the Educational Commission for Foreign Medical Graduates for licensing in the U.S. Most Cuba-certified doctors even flunk the Educational Commission for Foreign Medical Graduates exam for certification as "physician assistants," making them unfit even as nurses.

C.) pre-Castro Cuba was a sniveling U.S. plantation.

When in fact: Of Cuba's 161 sugar mills in 1958, only forty were U.S.-owned. And United Fruit owned only a third of these. And according to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, in 1958, U.S. investments in Cuba accounted for only 13 percent of Cuba's GNP. And all through the '40s and mid-'50s, more Cubans vacationed in the U.S. than Americans in Cuba.

D.) Che Guevara was a cunning and valiant guerrilla fighter.

When in fact: During the Bay of Pigs, Che's only wound came from shooting himself in the chin with his own pistol. Four years later in the Congo, while planning a military campaign against crack mercenaries commanded by a professional soldier who helped defeat Rommel in North Africa, Che confidently allied himself with "soldiers" who used chicken feathers for helmets and stood in the open waving at attacking aircraft because a "muganga" (witch doctor) had assured them that the magic water he sprinkled over them would make .50 caliber bullets bounce harmlessly off their bodies. During his Bolivian "guerrilla" campaign, Che split his forces, whereupon they got hopelessly lost and bumbled around, half-starved, half-clothed, and half-shod, without any contact with each other for six months before being wiped out. They didn't even have WWII vintage walkie-talkies to communicate and seemed incapable of applying a compass reading to a map. They spent much of the time walking in circles and were usually within a mile of each other. During this blundering, they often engaged in ferocious firefights against each other. Then, when cornered, Che dropped his fully loaded weapon and whimpered, "Don't shoot! I'm Che! I'm worth more to you alive than dead!"

So again, I'd say Castro has room for optimism. "Hey," he's probably thinking, "millions swallowed all the lettered items above? Who's to say they wont swallow the U.S.-made earthquake?"