Once upon a time, flying meant a pressed suit, a free drink, and the thrill of takeoff. Now it’s Crocs in coach, torturous middle seats, and an overpriced Diet Coke.

For years, America’s major airlines have prioritized cost efficiency and diversity hiring goals over customer satisfaction. And the lines have stalled, with the government shutdown currently hampering TSA and air traffic control.

Spirit Airlines is circling the drain -- another casualty of antitrust overreach. American dominates the skies, with United and Delta battling for silver and bronze. Frontier waves the bargain-bin banner. Yet none truly meet the cultural moment.

Where is our anti-woke airline?

Planes keep shrinking while passengers keep expanding. Luggage limits are rigid. Waistlines, less so. Flight attendants no longer channel the glamour of Pan Am or the pop-star allure of Britney Spears. And the bathrooms? Forget the “mile-high club,” there's barely room to turn around! Yes, I’m saying the quiet part out loud.

Earlier this year, American Eagle -- the clothing company, not the airline -- offered a case study in cultural sanity. Instead of another “inclusive” campaign celebrating mediocrity, AE tapped Sydney Sweeney and Travis Kelce as its faces. The result? A viral win. Turns out “sex sells” wasn’t just a boomer slogan -- it’s still marketing truth. Teenagers aspire to be hot and cool, not just “seen.” The tide is shifting back toward confidence over coddling.

Airlines should take note.

The Department of Transportation has traded Pete Buttigieg for congressman-turned-FOX News star Sean Duffy. DEI and ESG are out; deliverables are in. The vibe in America is shifting. And some companies are getting things moving again.

It’s time for airlines to catch up. Give us comfort that matches ticket prices. Restore the armrests. Bring back polish and charm. Trade performative politics for professionalism. And yes, install a full-length mirror in the lavatory.

Then, modernize the tech. United’s Starlink WiFi rollout proves passengers want true connectivity at 40,000 feet. Yet most domestic flights still feel stuck in 2001 -- no streaming, no real charging ports, and “Airplane Mode” rules no one believes actually protect us from anything. Half the time, the in-flight “WiFi” can’t even load a boarding pass, yet somehow the captain still warns us to switch off cellular data.

We don’t need another sermon at 30,000 feet. We need modern comfort, competence, and maybe a little swagger. Because somewhere between the security line and the snack cart, we forgot that flying used to mean freedom.

So get in, loser -- we’re making air travel great again.

Sam Raus is the David Boaz Resident Writing Fellow at Young Voices, a political analyst and public relations professional. Follow him on X: @SamRaus1. 

Image: Gary Hoover