We are in the middle of a hotly contested presidential election.  There have already been two attempted assassinations of Donald Trump. 

Reliable sources report Iran has sniper teams here to kill The Donald.  So what does the Secret Service do?  It sends needed agents to an all-expense paid LGBTQ conference at what Disney calls "The Most Magical Place on Earth."

The Secret Service leadership finally admitted they did not assign the full complement of agents to Trump’s detail in Butler, Pennsylvania.  Only a few were fully trained Protective Detail agents. The rest of the squad came from the B-Team.  They usually spend their time chasing counterfeiters and credit card fraudsters.  The temps’ protection training was watching a two-hour video.  That’s less than a good movie and popcorn. 

The Service doesn’t have enough time or manpower to answer even the simplest questions the Congressional Committee asks. USSS leadership claims they don’t have enough money to complete their vital mission.  But they have the time, resources, and budget to solicit agents for the free four-day trip to what we Floridians call the Mouse House.

The story went public when the service’s DEI office sent a memo to every assistant director asking them to nominate candidates for this fun-in-the-sun trip to Orlando. 

Susan Crabtree of Real Clear Politics uncovered the details. She learned those assistant directors had to send a list of their preferred people to the Secret Service Office of Alternative Employment. 

You may want to stop here and think why the agency responsible for protecting the free world's leaders needs something called “Alternative Employment,” but that’s up to you.  If I ran the Service, the employment qualifications would include good physical condition, great marksmanship, and a bad attitude, but that’s just me.  I wouldn’t concentrate on hiring agents who nap mano-mano or ladies in comfortable shoes.  

Disneyworld is a very logical place to hold this conference.  Disney’s objection to Gov. Ron DeSantis’ bill prohibiting teachers from indoctrinating students about sexual choice in the early school years went national.  Mickey has even supported Gay Days for decades.  For one magical weekend every year, the LGBTQ crowd invades Fantasyland. Participants all wear bright red t-shirts so they can identify kindred spirits.  Disney avoids any problem of straights who arrive in a red shirt feeling accosted.  It offers them free any-color-but red shirts.

Disney can be very ingenious in other ways.  Seminars usually wrap no later than 5:00 p.m,, and there is plenty to do in the evening.  When Gay Days at Disney first began, the manager of the famous Mannequins Night Club called a senior Disney executive at 10:00 p.m.  The manager was very upset.  He asked, ‘Sir, we have men dancing with men!  The families with kids are all very distraught!  What do I do?  What do I do?”

The Disney VP quickly replied, “Tell the Disk Jockey to play fast music!” and hung up. 

I only mention Mannequins so readers will know that our Secret Service agents will have something to do after a challenging day covering topics such as “How do I tell my boss?” and “Beyond Equity.”  Even though the Secret Service will be well represented, I doubt there will be seminars on topics such as “What gender agent can search a pre-surgical transgender female fire bomber?” or “Proper pronouns to use when warning presidential assassins of their Miranda rights.”  

While the Secret Service is trying to “sensitize” agents about gender issues, my only concern is, with Iranian and other psychotic snipers reviewing ballistic tables for their next attempt on President Trump, couldn’t our limited cadre of Secret Service agents be doing something better than enjoying a four-day, all-expense-paid trip to see Tinkerbell!

Ed Sherdlu is the pen name of a retired American television network news reporter. He uses a pen name because he would be embarrassed if his grandchildren learned he had failed his 12-Step Journalism Recovery Program.

Image: mydisneyadventures, via Wikimedia Commons // CC BY 2.0 Deed