Did Biden’s big mouth just commit him to debate Donald Trump?
Sometimes, it’s nice to walk away from the insanely depressing news about America’s college campuses, the economy, immigration, and all the other stuff in Biden’s America and just to focus on Joe Biden himself. That’s because this addled old man is the source of endless comic material. He lies, misspeaks, misreads, and, most recently, may have committed himself to a debate or two against Donald Trump, something that he’s manifestly incapable of handling.
I’m sure all of you caught Biden’s Ron Burgundy moment, but I’ll share it with you again, nevertheless. If you’re not familiar with Ron Burgundy, this will help you catch up (language warning):
And here, for your enjoyment, is Joe “Burgundy” Biden:
“The real President is whoever controls the teleprompter.” — Elon Musk
— Ian Miles Cheong (@stillgray) April 24, 2024
“Four more years. Pause.” — Biden reading the teleprompter pic.twitter.com/cC6MKSJOyg
But that’s par for the course when it comes to Biden. What happened today, though, was new and exciting because someone let Biden off the leash, and he called into Howard Stern’s show. During the telephone call, Biden told some amazing whoppers, one of which is that he’s chomping at the bit to debate Donald Trump. His handlers must have had a heart attack because that sounded like a commitment. They’re going to have an almost impossible time backing off of it now.
So, here are the whoppers Biden told during the phone call to Stern.
Whopper No. One: Biden claimed that he got arrested during the Civil Rights movement for standing with a black family on their porch. There is no evidence that this ever happened.
Biden claims he "got arrested standing on the porch with a Black family" during the civil rights movement.
— RNC Research (@RNCResearch) April 26, 2024
That never happened. pic.twitter.com/HxHIiCZStZ
Whopper No. Two: Biden claims he saved half a dozen people’s lives during his time as a lifeguard (presumably when he wasn’t off defending against Corn Pop). It’s unlikely this is true.
"You ever save anyone's life when you were a lifeguard?"
— RNC Research (@RNCResearch) April 26, 2024
BIDEN: "Yeah, half a dozen times"
🤔 pic.twitter.com/dMtWECUS3I
Whopper No. Three: In the 1970s, women constantly sent him salacious pictures, which he passed on to the Secret Service. (Moment of truth: Senators have no Secret Service protection.)
Biden claims "women would send very salacious pictures" to him when he was a senator in the 1970s: "I'd just give them to the Secret Service."
— RNC Research (@RNCResearch) April 26, 2024
(Senators do not have Secret Service protection) pic.twitter.com/8znDMFHZcp
Whopper No. Four: Biden again claimed that he was a football star, which is an out-and-out, provable lie:
Biden claims he was the "runner-up in state scoring" for football, but he really finished fifth in the 1960 "conference scoring race" pic.twitter.com/3XLnl4jv2S
— RNC Research (@RNCResearch) April 26, 2024
Whopper No. Five: Biden said Trump makes fun of him, and he’d really like to fight Trump. Actually, this isn’t a whopper. Trump does make fun of Biden, and Biden probably really does want to fight Trump. The delusional part is Biden’s implication that he could win.
BIDEN (angry and confused): "Trump makes fun of me! He's the kind of guy in the neighborhood you wish you could've got in the neighborhood and meet head-to-head..." pic.twitter.com/cUCUPmjgPx
— RNC Research (@RNCResearch) April 26, 2024
Were that fight to occur, Joe Biden could be any one of the three men in this video. Trump, I suspect, would come off looking quite good.
No matter how old you get, beef is beef 🤣 pic.twitter.com/73VpZyv3Wr
— STREET FIGHT 🔞🥊 2M?🤩(FOLLOW FOR NOTHING MISSED) (@streetfighthard) December 11, 2023
Whopper No. Six: This is the biggest whopper of all. Biden essentially said that he’s chomping at the bit to debate Trump—something that must have come as a surprise to his handlers, who have been doing their best to avoid a debate:
🚨 Crooked Joe Biden says he's "happy to debate" President Trump.
— RNC Research (@RNCResearch) April 26, 2024
His handlers must be furious! pic.twitter.com/eOS9zm0G0U
Hallelujah! I can’t think of anything more damaging to Joe Biden than to appear at a debate against Donald Trump.
In 2012, Joe Biden, with his rictus grin, was at the top of his game...as a bully. Paul Ryan could have won on the merits, but he completely collapsed before Biden’s verbal onslaught. That was a win for Biden.
In 2020, Biden was still functional, and he lied like crazy (e.g., denying his son’s laptop). The debate moderators, especially the malevolent Chris Wallace, propped him up when necessary. Trump didn’t handle Biden well, either, coming out too strong in the first debate and too diffident in the second one. The debates ended up not harming Biden, so they could be viewed as a win or a draw.
In 2024, though, it will be different. Trump, who has a remarkable ability to learn despite his age, won’t make any mistakes dealing with Biden. He’ll have plans for how to handle Biden if the guy is just a demented muppet, and he’ll have plans for dealing with Biden if the guy is so hopped up on amphetamines that he rivals the old FedEx commercials.
If Biden is unable to weasel out of the debate he’s now effectively promised, it should be the greatest debate in American political history, if for no other reason than comedic value.
Image: Joe Biden and Donald Trump debating, by AI.