From satire to reality, California leads the way on crazy policy
In a 1982 interview with United Press International, I jokingly suggested that a national speed limit of 25 miles per hour could provide several benefits: greatly reduce fossil fuel consumption, decrease freeway fatalities — but, most importantly, save innocent bugs from splattering against windshields. Further, I added that if "animal rights" advocates were serious, they should also support the concept of "insect rights."
There are non-English-speaking communities in your attic whose diet consists exclusively of wooden beams. Yet, too often, they suffer a horrible death when your house is "tented."
Innocent Cornu aspersum, trying to survive while carrying their houses around on their backs, become victims of arrogant "bug-ist" gardeners who decide to crush (or cook) them alive.
Recent studies confirm that even a cockroach feels the bug-equivalent to "pain" when humans commit "insecticide." Just because you don't hear bugs scream, that doesn't mean they aren't feeling any pain...or humiliation.
How many times have pet owners dusted, bathed, or sprayed their precious "fur balls" to deliberately kill, maim, or repel tiny members of the animal kingdom who are merely looking for a place to sleep, eat, and raise a family? According to some religions, even these little (albeit annoying) creatures deserve a right to life.
Insect rights are clearly animal rights. It's been an uphill battle against the nature-haters — AKA conservatives — but don't worry: California legislators are on top of it. Help has arrived!
It's called Assembly Bill 1881, AKA the "Dog and Cat Bill of Rights," and it's been introduced by an assemblyman from, yep, you guessed it, Los Angeles!
Sit down before reading this insanity.
If passed, dogs, cats, and other domestic critters will have legally-recognized rights — but no responsibility; coincidentally, just like their human counterparts.
Legal question for horse owners: How do you know if your equine really wants to be ridden or prefers another bucket of oats? Did you get consent? Or does someone need to create a much needed Department of Horse Abuse?
But wait — is it possible that Ctenocephalides canis and C. felis (fleas) carry the same "spark of divinity" that Speaker Pelosi so piously recognized in MS-13 gang members?
To my knowledge, no flea has ever committed murder while on parole, so why do they automatically get the death penalty?
When it was time to speak up for insect rights, where were today's "virtue-signaling" bug-huggers?
The most surprising aspect of California's new and improved animal "Bill of Rights" is that it's taken so long for lawmakers to surrender to the righteous, enlightened, groundbreaking ideas of "animal rights" zealots.
As usual, the Golden State leads the parade when it comes to good (for nothing) ideas. If Assembly Bill 1881 is successful, termites, ants, fleas, spiders, mice, and even microscopic entities won't have long to wait for animal equity.
But that's when the fight really begins...I mean, if we're just handing out citizenships, why stop at Homo sapiens? Doesn't "science" tell us we share common ancestors with much of the animal kingdom? We're basically cousins to these dogs and insects! They deserve free college and universal health care, too! Thank goodness California has plenty of useful idiots voting in Democrats. We won't have to wait long.
Image: Free image, Pixabay license, no attribution required.