Message to Ukraine: Could we borrow your president, please?

Message to Ukraine: Could we borrow your president, please?  Ours is broken.  We'll need yours at least until November.  That's the soonest we can start replacing ours. 

To be honest, the president we have hasn't worked at all since he was installed.  He's way past his use-by date.  He spouts nonsense, and he smells.

He came with a ridiculous warranty.  You have to send him back to China.  And they just put you on hold with bad music.

The spare for him is even worse. 

Your president could probably do the job remotely.  If all he did was veto whatever the current Congress sends him, that would be an improvement. 

We're not at all happy with the organization that produced our current president.  We'll probably switch suppliers for him and a lot of other positions.  And we're rethinking our entire procurement process. 

This will be a lot of trouble for you, we know.  So compensation is appropriate.  Maybe we can work something out in the form of missiles, aircraft, and armored vehicles.

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