The Gift of the Fauci

I headed into the Christmas season in a foul mood as our country’s trajectory appears to be emulating the fall of the Roman Empire. Hopelessly corrupt politicians, weak generals, barbarians swarming the borders, and a pervasive sense of moral decay all doomed Rome and are currently taking down America.

When it comes to brainless incompetence, Nero and Caligula have nothing on Brandon and Kammy!

Still, Christmas is a time of hope and giving and caring for others. I tried to relax and get in the holiday spirit but it just wasn’t happening.

And then, on Christmas Day no less, I received a gift from wee Tony Fauci that changed everything: the Wuhan Flu.

Fauci, as you may know unless you only watch the sex-perverts and prevaricators on CNN, helped fund the lab in Wuhan that developed COVID-19 and loosed it upon the world. Forget how badly Fauci has bungled the U.S. response to COVID, he used millions of our tax dollars to help bring the bug into existence!

Anyway, I started the day of our Lord’s birth in a sour mood and with a splitting headache. And although I was surrounded by every treat imaginable, I had no appetite. Worse than that, I couldn’t even enjoy any of the festive cocktails, fine wine or eggnog available. That’s when I knew for sure I was getting sick.

Over the following week, but not all at the same time, I suffered from aches, anorexia, chills, congestion, coughing, diarrhea, fatigue, fever, loss of taste and smell, nausea, night sweats, sneezing, sniffles, and zerostomia. Heck, the skin on my lips was falling off.

Turns out they’re right that the Omicron variant is milder than previous versions of the Wuhan Flu. You don’t die, you just wish you would!

As the new year starts, I’m finally beginning to turn it around. Having a little toast and coffee for breakfast, instead of a handful of pills with a glass of water, I realize that my illness was actually a gift.

Instead of worrying about the state of the union, I’m simply happy to be alive. I’m grateful for a loving wife and my wonderful grown kids. I’m thankful for good friends, a long and satisfying career in health care, a nice home in a friendly neighborhood, and everyone who had anything to do with developing Advair, Advil, albuterol, azithromycin, Benadryl, Imodium, prednisone, and Vitamin D supplements.

Instead of stressing over things out of my control, like the wildly corrupt FBI, our increasingly senile president, and AOC’s latest idiotic tweet, I enter 2022 with an attitude of gratitude for all the many blessings in my life. And my beer gut’s practically gone.

Thanks, Dr. Fauci!

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