Sean Penn demands a replay of the Protestant Reformation
Sean Penn became a star playing an empty-headed stoner in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Over the years, he's given every indication that this part was typecasting. The hard-leftist actor, who's never meant a dictator he hasn't liked, took aim at Evangelical Christians in a tweet that has percolated up from "the bowels of hell" for everyone's enjoyment. It's probable that he's trying to insult Trump in his tweet, but, honestly, it's impossible to tell.
Here is Penn's magical, mystery tweet:
Evangelical leaders should themselves be impeached by the Vatican if they themselves don’t follow Nikki Haley’s lead & clearly state they should not have followed Satin into the bowels of hell. But, perhaps they are too busy at sex parties.— Sean Penn (@SeanPenn) February 13, 2021
Let's see if we can unpack this:
Nikki Haley is the starting point because, on the same day Penn set fingers to keyboard, Haley criticized Trump, the most popular Republican politician in America, saying that he has no future in America. If Haley thinks insulting Trump is her e-ticket to the White House, she might be just as deluded as Penn himself. But Penn clearly agrees with her that Trump is bad news.
Who are those Evangelical leaders? Penn's not naming names, but it's clear that he resents the fact that Evangelical Christians support Trump. He doesn't understand not only that Evangelicals recognize that Trump has reformed his formerly wild ways, but also that he was the only president since Reagan to govern in a way that does not offend Evangelical sensibilities.
Additionally, because Evangelical Christians are more familiar with the Bible than Penn, they know that God has often sent unexpected leaders, whether reluctant, stuttering Moses; a highly imperfect David; or even a non-Jewish Persian, such as King Cyrus. I'm not saying Trump was sent by God, but if God can give leaders leeway, so can we.
What about that impeachment by the Vatican? There's so much wrong there. First, the Vatican excommunicates; it doesn't impeach. Second, in 1517, when Martin Luther nailed his 95 theses to the chapel door in Wittenberg, he pretty much had the excommunication thing locked up. As far as Protestants go, it's a done deal — the Vatican holds no power over them.
Who is this Satin who hangs out in Hell's bowels? Could she be a stripper? Penn doesn't say.
Unimaginative people are surmising that Penn really meant to say "Satan," but I have my doubts. Any man who can talk about the Vatican impeaching Evangelical Christians would never write something as boringly hackneyed as "following Satan into the bowels of hell."
Lastly, there's the contention that Evangelical leaders are "too busy at sex parties." Sean, Sean, Sean. Evangelical sex scandals are so 1980s. No one cares anymore about what Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggart did. Those things are as dated as your (almost) forty-year run as Jeff Spicoli.
Twitter, predictably, had fun:
Don’t do drugs, kids— Jack Posobiec 🇺🇸 (@JackPosobiec) February 14, 2021
Oh no what ever will evangelical leaders do if the Vatican won't allow them to be Catholic anymore? pic.twitter.com/Psa6EQYZwS— Dan (@TractorLaw) February 14, 2021
This kind of thought process happens Sean, when you're high on your own brand and no one tells you no for decades. pic.twitter.com/z5IWpfGba5— Misty (@mialynneb) February 14, 2021
Even the Church of Satan had something to say about this one:
Hail Satin! https://t.co/BhjCUvtCoQ— The Church Of Satan (@ChurchofSatan) February 14, 2021
I was going to say Penn should stick to acting, but that would be so wrong. This kind of ill informed idiocy has brought a little joy to the world. For that, we should be grateful.
Image: "Hail, Satin" internet meme.