The epic struggles of Hunter Biden

Poor Hunter Biden.

Think how hard his life must be.

Like his father, Hunter’s lights are on, but no one’s home. His junkie mind is not his own.

He has the sweats, his body shakes. Another hit on the pipe is all it takes.

Might as well face it, folks, he’s addicted to crack.

But it gets worse.

The poor guy can’t sleep, he doesn’t eat. There’s no doubt, when it comes to hooch, the man’s in deep. His throat is tight, he can barely breathe, another drink is what he needs. Yep, Hunter’s an alcoholic, too.

After six stints in rehab, he thought he was immune to the stuff. But, it’s closer to the truth to say he can’t get enough.

Yes, we’re gonna have to face it, the kid’s addicted to booze.

We can also see the signs, and tea leaves, that Hunter’s perpetually primed to “do the deed.” His heart beats in double time, another kiss and it’s Hunter time! He needs sex, doesn’t matter who; a Ukrainian prostitute will surely do.

It’s not bad enough that Hunter Biden does vodka, drugs and lots of other stuff. In addition to that, the man’s addicted to love! Hunter’s a man-whore, a satyr sans horns; like Slick Willie in the Oval Office, Biden’s just gotta have it, no matter the time, place or consequences. Heck, he has children by three different women – that we know of.

Now, affording fine wine, the best crack, high-end escorts and sundry child-support levies, that’s truly a heavy lift. So, it should come as no surprise to learn Hunter B’s a master of grift.

Hunter learned early, you gotta pay if you wanna play. So, he started some oversea scams; Pop said it was O.K.

Now many call Joe Biden slow, dumb and senile; but in this particular case, he gets the last laugh. For it appears that whatever his ne’er-do-well kid skims, old Sleepy Joe gets half!

Fact is, Hunter’s in love with foreign cash, and willing to do anything to get it, no matter how rash. And he was good enough to memorialize this fact for us on his, um, hard drive. The fake-news media and dear old Dad will grumble and say this has all been debunked.

The American public’s seen the photos and read the emails, however, and can no longer be skunked.

You might as well face it, Hunter Biden’s addicted to alcohol and cocaine. Also realize the poor guy’s got sex on the brain. Almost anyone in Hunter’s position would lie, connive, pull strings and steal.

Hunter’s just a wealthy, well-connected addict, folks, and that’s the deal.

Image credit: Ben Stanfield, via Flickr, cropped image by Acaben, via Wikimedia Commons  // CC BY-SA 2.0

Poor Hunter Biden.

Think how hard his life must be.

Like his father, Hunter’s lights are on, but no one’s home. His junkie mind is not his own.

He has the sweats, his body shakes. Another hit on the pipe is all it takes.

Might as well face it, folks, he’s addicted to crack.

But it gets worse.

The poor guy can’t sleep, he doesn’t eat. There’s no doubt, when it comes to hooch, the man’s in deep. His throat is tight, he can barely breathe, another drink is what he needs. Yep, Hunter’s an alcoholic, too.

After six stints in rehab, he thought he was immune to the stuff. But, it’s closer to the truth to say he can’t get enough.

Yes, we’re gonna have to face it, the kid’s addicted to booze.

We can also see the signs, and tea leaves, that Hunter’s perpetually primed to “do the deed.” His heart beats in double time, another kiss and it’s Hunter time! He needs sex, doesn’t matter who; a Ukrainian prostitute will surely do.

It’s not bad enough that Hunter Biden does vodka, drugs and lots of other stuff. In addition to that, the man’s addicted to love! Hunter’s a man-whore, a satyr sans horns; like Slick Willie in the Oval Office, Biden’s just gotta have it, no matter the time, place or consequences. Heck, he has children by three different women – that we know of.

Now, affording fine wine, the best crack, high-end escorts and sundry child-support levies, that’s truly a heavy lift. So, it should come as no surprise to learn Hunter B’s a master of grift.

Hunter learned early, you gotta pay if you wanna play. So, he started some oversea scams; Pop said it was O.K.

Now many call Joe Biden slow, dumb and senile; but in this particular case, he gets the last laugh. For it appears that whatever his ne’er-do-well kid skims, old Sleepy Joe gets half!

Fact is, Hunter’s in love with foreign cash, and willing to do anything to get it, no matter how rash. And he was good enough to memorialize this fact for us on his, um, hard drive. The fake-news media and dear old Dad will grumble and say this has all been debunked.

The American public’s seen the photos and read the emails, however, and can no longer be skunked.

You might as well face it, Hunter Biden’s addicted to alcohol and cocaine. Also realize the poor guy’s got sex on the brain. Almost anyone in Hunter’s position would lie, connive, pull strings and steal.

Hunter’s just a wealthy, well-connected addict, folks, and that’s the deal.

Image credit: Ben Stanfield, via Flickr, cropped image by Acaben, via Wikimedia Commons  // CC BY-SA 2.0