How do you say 'Lakers vs Heat' in Chinese?
Did you hear that L.A. and Miami are playing for the NBA title? Maybe you did and don't care, as we see from this TV ratings:
Game one of the National Basketball Association (NBA) finals between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Miami Heat averaged a 4.1 rating and 7.41 million viewers on US network ABC, making it the least-watched game of the champion-crowning series since at least 1988, according to Sports Media Watch.
In the interest of full disclosure, I'm not a big NBA fan. Honestly, it was a better game in the 1980s, when Magic Johnson and Larry Bird gave us a great rivalry. Nevertheless, I did follow the finals, especially if the Mavericks or Spurs were representing Texas.
The NBA cannot write off a drop like that in TV ratings as a temporary case of "systemic racism." We may be watching something bigger than racism. My guess is that a lot of fans, myself included, are just fed up with a little too much politics on the court or jerseys.
It makes me wonder what's next. At times of uncertainty, it's a good idea to check with our friends at the Babylon Bee. They may have hit on the solution to keep the dollars flowing and teams meeting bloated payrolls:
In an effort to salvage its relationship with China, the NBA is now requiring all players to stand for the Chinese national anthem at the beginning of every game.
The official song of the People's Republic of China, "March of the Volunteers," will be played at the start of all professional basketball games, whether at home or abroad. All players, fans, coaches, and employees will be required to stand and solemnly sing lyrics including the following:
Millions of but one heart we run towards the Communist tomorrow!
Build our homeland, guard our homeland, and fight gallantly.
March on! March on! March on!
We, for tens of thousands of generations to come,
Hold high the Flag of Mao Zedong, march on!
Why not? Win one for Mao. Remind the world of how tolerant Mao was with dissent and how the Chinese cultural revolution allowed the masses to read their favorite books. Those were the days, and the NBA will bring them back.
In the meantime, we can practice our Chinese and get ready for the Peking Lakers, Canton Celtics, and whatever mascot you want to use for the place where the virus came from. Maybe the 19ers?
Yes, if I may steal someone else's line, "Go woke, go broke." It couldn't happen to a nicer group of uninformed and irrelevant tall people.