A call for viral justice
In this age of Rights for Everybody and Everything, where pet rights are invoked and plant rights protected, it is inexcusable that we neglect the rights of the very small and the ultra-tiny.
Bacteria and, more specifically, viruses have rights.
It is appalling, the favoritism shown COVID. The discrimination against other viruses simply cannot be allowed to continue. COVID privilege is undeniable; it has been present since the founding of the science of virology, but we have always just swept that under the rug. The callous disregard of viral rights is not who we are, and we owe it to ourselves — and the viruses — to get this right.
That's probably because we are too cowardly to have an honest conversation about viruses. I hereby demand equal representation and propaganda for rhinovirus, retrovirus, norovirus, rotavirus, and others. We may also be sure that in violating the 1st Amendment to favor the Branch Covidian, the government is also, in some obscure way, violating Title IX at institutions that receive federal funding, and probably Taft-Hartley and the Logan Act to boot.
It is furthermore a violation of the emanated and penumbrated rights of these other viruses that only the name "COVID" is ever invoked to stoke fear and alarm in the population. This unjustly impugns the reputations of the other viruses, which work hard to bring humanity low and whose contributions to that end cry out for acknowledgment.
It's time to do the right thing. Viral rights matter.
Richard Jack Rail can be reached at email@example.com.