Gretchen rats out Michigan's worst
Caution: This piece drips with satire and sarcasm. If that's not your thing, read no further.
Headline: Michigan's Whitmer says armed protesters displayed 'worst racism and awful parts' of US history. (FoxNewspolitics, 3 May 20)
Whoaaaa! Good thing Gretchen told us. We'd never have suspected that Michiganders would protest the lockdown by lynching black people, burning their churches, terrorizing them with burning crosses, and raping their wives and daughters.
Or that they'd scalp Native Americans and give them blankets infected with smallpox germs.
Or that they'd round up Japanese-Americans and put them behind barbed-wire fences. Or line up any handy Vietnamese women and children and mow them down with machine gun fire.
Demonstration in Michigan State Capitol (Fox News video screen grab).
Those are about the most awful parts of U.S. history any of us can imagine, and it's good that Michigan has Gretchen Whitmer in charge so she can keep us informed of all these atrocities being carried out in this day and age in what we once thought was a civilized member of the 48 contiguous states. We were naïvely thinking such things were in the distant American past, long before Brown v. Board of Education or the Freedom Marches of the fifties and sixties.
Seriously, it just never would have occurred to any of us that anyone living in Michigan would be capable of such racism or of acting out these worst parts of American history. Do you have secret societies up there, Gretch? Paramilitary outfits that practice shooting and like to do things outdoors and stay in shape and work on self-defense and other similar barbaric customs? D eplorable NRA types who cling to their guns and Bibles, insisting irrationally on 2A rights and dragging their knuckles on the ground? As Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez might say, "Wow, this is, like, some heavy stuff."