Joltin' Joe Biden: Have fists, will travel

Joe Biden, who grew up comfortably, assures us of his manliness with a tale about how he faced down a gang leader named Corn Pop.  It seems Corn Pop had him a knife, but Joe just happened to have a six-foot length of chain in his hand.  Take that.

Joe has crowed before about how tough he is.  One time he said something like, if the two were younger, Joe would take Donald Trump out behind the woodshed and kick his tail.  This is the same six-foot Joe Biden who did nothing of note in high school or college, and the same 6-3 Donald Trump who was a baseball star and athlete.

Joe has also humbly confessed to having great courage, saying we can afford to lose a vice president over yonder in Afghanistan, but we can't afford to lose many more of these young fellers.  No doubt, the liberals in the audience felt the warm glow of comfort at these words.  Conservatives rolled their eyes.

It's got to be reassuring to all the cowering men and women at home to know that somebody tough and courageous has their back.  And their front.  No doubt if Joe ever got a hold of one of those joysticks that controls a drone, he'd really show us what he's got by taking out Taliban from above.  Or American GIs.  They all look alike from 3,000 feet.

If anyone ever doubted Joe's guts, he paws little girls right in front of their daddies.  He sneaks up behind a woman and encircles her with his arms while nuzzling her neck, with the husband mere feet away.

You gotta hand it to the man: it takes sheer intestinal fortitude to do things like that.

When some insightful guy came up with the phrase, "A legend in his own mind," he was thinking of Joe Biden, Harry Callahan's body double.

Joe Biden, who grew up comfortably, assures us of his manliness with a tale about how he faced down a gang leader named Corn Pop.  It seems Corn Pop had him a knife, but Joe just happened to have a six-foot length of chain in his hand.  Take that.

Joe has crowed before about how tough he is.  One time he said something like, if the two were younger, Joe would take Donald Trump out behind the woodshed and kick his tail.  This is the same six-foot Joe Biden who did nothing of note in high school or college, and the same 6-3 Donald Trump who was a baseball star and athlete.

Joe has also humbly confessed to having great courage, saying we can afford to lose a vice president over yonder in Afghanistan, but we can't afford to lose many more of these young fellers.  No doubt, the liberals in the audience felt the warm glow of comfort at these words.  Conservatives rolled their eyes.

It's got to be reassuring to all the cowering men and women at home to know that somebody tough and courageous has their back.  And their front.  No doubt if Joe ever got a hold of one of those joysticks that controls a drone, he'd really show us what he's got by taking out Taliban from above.  Or American GIs.  They all look alike from 3,000 feet.

If anyone ever doubted Joe's guts, he paws little girls right in front of their daddies.  He sneaks up behind a woman and encircles her with his arms while nuzzling her neck, with the husband mere feet away.

You gotta hand it to the man: it takes sheer intestinal fortitude to do things like that.

When some insightful guy came up with the phrase, "A legend in his own mind," he was thinking of Joe Biden, Harry Callahan's body double.