Knife Control

Yes, my friends, after the incident in Los Angeles, it is time to talk seriously about knife control.  It is simply too dangerous to allow anyone who wants one to own a large knife.  We must pass a law making it illegal to own an unregistered knife with a blade larger than three inches.  There will be a brief amnesty period during which people can turn in these dangerous assault knives to the police but henceforth anyone caught with one will go to jail.  It will be necessary to allow a few people, butchers and the like, to retain their knives, but they will have to be trained, licensed, and thoroughly background checked.  Even this will not be sufficient.  They will have to undergo routine monthly psychiatric monitoring to maintain their licenses.

I am sure that there will be holdouts who will secretly retain their knives, or perhaps even make new ones.  While it would be prohibitively expensive to search every home and business in the country, we can institute a citizen monitoring program to report recalcitrants.  A hot line will be set up to allow anyone to report people suspected of still owning a large knife.  Judges will quickly issue warrants to search the homes and businesses of such people to find and confiscate illegal knives.  In addition to having their knives confiscated, they will spend a few years in jail contemplating their crime.

After all, there are very few people who actually need one of these dangerous assault knives.  For most people they serve no purpose beyond the ability to kill someone.

Yes, my friends, after the incident in Los Angeles, it is time to talk seriously about knife control.  It is simply too dangerous to allow anyone who wants one to own a large knife.  We must pass a law making it illegal to own an unregistered knife with a blade larger than three inches.  There will be a brief amnesty period during which people can turn in these dangerous assault knives to the police but henceforth anyone caught with one will go to jail.  It will be necessary to allow a few people, butchers and the like, to retain their knives, but they will have to be trained, licensed, and thoroughly background checked.  Even this will not be sufficient.  They will have to undergo routine monthly psychiatric monitoring to maintain their licenses.

I am sure that there will be holdouts who will secretly retain their knives, or perhaps even make new ones.  While it would be prohibitively expensive to search every home and business in the country, we can institute a citizen monitoring program to report recalcitrants.  A hot line will be set up to allow anyone to report people suspected of still owning a large knife.  Judges will quickly issue warrants to search the homes and businesses of such people to find and confiscate illegal knives.  In addition to having their knives confiscated, they will spend a few years in jail contemplating their crime.

After all, there are very few people who actually need one of these dangerous assault knives.  For most people they serve no purpose beyond the ability to kill someone.