Making America Venezuela: The Left is coming for your toilet paper

In its quest to make America Venezuela, the Left is coming for your toilet paper.

Kimberley Strassel spotted this beaut on Twitter:

Apparently, toilet paper is the new plastic straw of the green lobby, and they're out to put a stop to it.  Kid you not, here is what the National Resources Defense Council is shilling as its new narrative:

You may not realize it, but the toilet paper in your bathroom likely comes from some of the most important — and threatened — forests in the world. In fact, Procter & Gamble is driving the devastation of one of the last great forests on earth to produce Charmin, the world's biggest toilet paper brand — made out of 100 percent virgin forest fiber.

Now we're running out of time: Between 1996 and 2015, more than 28 million acres of Canada's boreal forest were logged. This logging threatens the ways of life of hundreds of Indigenous communities, releases hundreds of millions of tons of climate-altering carbon stored in the forest into the atmosphere every year, and devastates iconic wildlife.

Procter & Gamble must own up to its environmental impact and stop making its toilet paper from virgin pulp rather than sustainable recycled materials. The cost to communities, species, and our climate is simply too high to keep flushing our forests away.

This is horse hockey.  And greenies can't even get their stories straight.  If saving toilet paper is the aim, why are they targeting Charmin, which, in this lefty review, is the best toilet paper to use because users use less of it, based on its superior absorption capacities, quite unlike that flimsy scratchy recycled stuff?  Here's the Business Insider take, which actually recommends Charmin for saving the Earth:

All toilet paper is paper. In order to make paper, you need trees. Although there are plenty of eco-friendly alternatives on the market, for the sake of forests and our environment, the less toilet paper you use, the better.

One way to use less toilet paper is to install a bidet. We have a helpful guide on the best bidets, but basically, you can get a decent bidet on Amazon for less than $100 and install it yourself in about half an hour. You'll still need TP to spot check the bidet's work and to dry off, but you will use much less.

Bidets?  Really?  What about the water waste, which is an issue here in SoCal?  Meanwhile, here's an excerpt from B.I.'s review of its number-one ranked Charmin Extra Strong:

You might recognize Charmin Ultra Strong Toilet Paper from the series of commercials featuring bears with comfortable butts. As the name suggests, Ultra Strong is positioned as Charmin's strongest two-ply toilet paper. Charmin advertises it as having washcloth-like cleaning abilities with four times the strength of "the leading bargain brand" when wet.

A durable and absorbent toilet paper is useful when your digestive system is having an off day and trips to the bathroom are frequent. If you are concerned about a hardy TP wreaking havoc on your plumbing, you may take comfort in knowing that Roto-Rooter has approved Ultra Strong as septic- and clog-safe.

...and, for the money quote at the end:

Another reviewer remarked that this is the only toilet paper they use because a roll lasts a long time since they only need a fraction of what they would use with other options. They also have not had any clogging issues with Ultra Strong.

Now these jackasses are coming for your Charmin.  And the horse hockey continues as they rant about virgin forests.

Here's the reality: farmed forests are always renewable, and Canada has a helluva lot of them.  Not only that, but the cold climate and poor soil of Canada rather limits what can be farmed.  Are Canadian farmers now supposed to farm nothing and let the forest grow rampant?  Sixty Minutes already did a greenie piece about how such overforested areas in the far north contribute to global warming in a segment on Siberia a few weeks ago.  Again, a matter of getting their stories straight.

Or are the Canadian tree-farmers to turn to growing more picturesque renewable mangos up where the Boreal forest once stood?  Socialists have been known to try to command the weather: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's argument that people in the chilly Bronx grow tropical vegetables instead of racist cauliflower, described here, falls into this category.

Racism, greenie-ism, anything to justify a more perfect socialism, all done by experts...which is why toilet paper, that most prized of scarce commodities in socialist Venezuela, is, what a coincidence, also in the western socialist bulleseye. No toilet paper for you!

Will we see prominent celebrities following the no-Charmin rule to save the environment? Will Beyonce, whose famous liking for this red toilet paper here, switch to a scratchier, less colorful brand? Hey look! The boutique brand she uses comes from 100% virgin pulp - the very stuff the NDRC is yelling about.

Color me skeptical.

What we are seeing here is a confluence of bad ideas - made-up facts, bad science, and a greenie desire for micromanaging power, right down to what kind of toilet paper you use. The charts and graphs on this NRDC page over it are amazing, and not in a good way.

They aren't going to leave us alone about this. And like Venezuela, they mean to create shortages from excessive government regulation, same reason Venezuela has them. Worst of all, their 'narrative' is going to get louder as Bernie and Sandy and the rest of them embrace it. Make America Venezuela again...

Image credit: Photo illustration by Monica Showalter, with YouTube screen shot from Dateline NBC shareable Seinfeld episode clip and MaxPixel public domain source.

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