The best laid plans of mice and Muellers

As they say, the best laid plans of mice and men often go painfully awry.  Robert Mueller is learning that the hard way as he now slithers back into the swamp from whence he came.

Let us follow the multi-year course of Mueller's plans.

Plan A: It started out so simple: hire a team of Trump-haters, and provide them with unlimited (and sometimes unconstitutional) powers to find anything that ties Trump to Russia.  He knew that that wouldn't work within the first few days, so...

Plan B: Find anything that ties anybody related to Trump, directly or indirectly, to Russia, and connect it back to Trump himself.  Couldn't do it, so now...

Plan C: Find anything on anybody directly or indirectly related to Trump who did anything remotely wrong anytime in his career, and throw the book at him.  Get such people to turn on Trump, even if they are lying, by dangling a get out of jail free card in front of them.  Couldn't do it, so on to...

Plan D: Throw the book at anybody directly or indirectly related to Trump when he doesn't flip, in an attempt to get Trump to give up or do something stupid.  That didn't work, either...

Plan E: Get Trump to testify under oath, and set a perjury trap.  Trump would have fallen for this if his lawyers hadn't put on the brakes.  Close but no cigar, Mueller.

Plan F: Pore through 1.4 million Trump-supplied documents; 2,500 interviews, many with Trump's closest advisers; and 500 subpoenaed testimonies, the results of 50 (illegal?) surveillances and wiretaps, to find anything that could make a case for illegal obstruction.  Still nothing.


Plan G: Prepare, from everything in Plans A through F, a detailed 200-page listing of failed obstruction analysis along with 11 claims that Mueller already admitted are not criminal, and hand it to the leftist media and Democrats on a silver platter to pursue impeachment proceedings since ultimately that is the only thing left available to get Trump after a $30-plus-million investigation.  Essentially, at this point, Mueller has fumbled the football, and the Dems in the House are standing around looking at it, sitting on the ground, waiting for somebody else to pick it up.  Nobody does.

Nothing left.  Mueller looks like a man who just had six organs removed from his body with a kitchen knife and salad tongs.  A shaky wreck of a man.  Total failure.  He'll go down in history as the guy who vindicated Trump instead of He Who Slew the Bad Orange Man.  Bill Barr admitted in his CBS interview that he is not looking for people to sing odes about him hundreds of years from now.  Mueller, I'm sure, had already written his own Broadway play to replace Hamilton.

Mueller is not going down without a fight.  On to Plan H: The only thing left to do is go in front of the cameras, flat-out lie, and say he would have recommended a crime except for that pesky law passed by Congress post–Clinton impeachment, prohibiting him from charging a crime.  Because of that, it's only because of that technicality that he will imply that it's Congress's responsibility to take his 200-page obstruction manifesto and use it to impeach Trump.

It's too early to tell if Mueller's last Hail Mary pass will work.  But we do know he sacrificed his dignity to his Trump Derangement Syndrome.  Did he think nobody would remember that he admitted on multiple occasions multiple times that the OLC rules preventing charging a sitting president with such a crime did not factor into his decision not to make a determination on obstruction?  Even if Trump is a liar, that doesn't give Mueller the right to lie.

There is no rock bottom for a lifelong D.C. bottom-dweller.  Mueller will go slither back into the murky depths of the swamp (better known as CNN contributor) as the Dems and media commence with the only plan left for them...

Plan I: Search for somebody from A.G. Barr's high school who will testify that he used to arrange sex trains at drunken parties.  I'm not saying it's a good plan, but it almost worked before.  Hence, the best laid plans of mice and Muellers do go awry.

If you experience technical problems, please write to