What an honest commencement speech would sound like

It is graduation season.  I have been going to high school, college, and law school commencements since 1977 for my children and grandchildren.  I've been to eighteen, including for two grandchildren this month.

I have heard speeches that are wonderful, boring, inspiring, amusing, and pedestrian from graduates and invited speakers alike.  Frankly, this is what I think most students need to hear:

It is graduation season.  I have been going to high school, college, and law school commencements since 1977 for my children and grandchildren.  I've been to eighteen, including for two grandchildren this month.

I have heard speeches that are wonderful, boring, inspiring, amusing, and pedestrian from graduates and invited speakers alike.  Frankly, this is what I think most students need to hear:

Good morning and congratulations!  I sincerely believe that most of you came to college with a desire to learn and be prepared for your future.  But many of your teachers have skills and ideas that are proscribed by coercive politically correct bureaucrats.

However, you are all victims of a colossal scam for which your parents have anted up colossal sums of money.

You have been ensconced in an academic gulag where you have been programmed and robbed of the intellectual dexterity it takes to listen to, consider, and debate opinions contrary to those into which you are being indoctrinated.

You abjure capitalism without understanding that everything you own, buy, wear, ride, and text on — and that includes your Che Guevara t-shirts — are available to you because capitalism provides the funds for research, development, and production.

Even the organic vegetables you consume so virtuously, not to mention those windmills and solar panels, depend on capital investment.

You mock religious Creationists, but many of you are worshipers in the cult of global warming without even being aware of the vast scientific research that debunks it.

Many of you call yourselves "woke" and "alert to injustice in society, especially racism" but sanction the racist hypocrisy of organizations that promote libel, boycott, and divestment from a freewheeling democracy like Israel, while giving Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib a "freedom of speech" pass.

You raise your fists in solidarity with "Black Lives Matter" but have no interest in the genocides and famines perpetrated on hapless millions of black people in Africa.

There is no calamity, no atrocity, no failure of a system, no tyranny that you have not been taught to trace to a "root cause" in American greed or complicity.  Patriotism and nationalism are evil, but you give socialism a wide berth, ignoring its documented failures.

Almost everything you learn to receive a Bachelor of Arts degree is indexed to gender and race.  Oh, and by the way, "Bachelor" is a male noun.  Will that word also be scrubbed from your diplomas?

You wish to make simple pronouns "gender fluid" while ignoring the barbarism inflicted on millions of women by sharia laws.  Will it really ameliorate their suffering if you call them "hirs"?

You have lost the fun of flirting without P.C. opprobrium and ridiculous accusations that trivialize real abuse.  And you reduce all expressions of gratitude, admiration, and even condolences to illiterate texts.

You are coddled and babied in the most cynical and self-indulgent way with "safe spaces" to avoid any words, images, or persons that "trigger" your vapors.

In conclusion, my advice to you is simple.  The word "commencement" means a start.  Go forth and free your mind from the cant to which it has been hostage for four years.  And grow up!