The top ten ways 'Roseanne' should have died

As we all know by now, those who wield the most influence in the entertainment industry despise conservatives, especially those who succeed despite all expectations.  Donald Trump is their number-one deplorable, followed by Brett Kavanaugh.  After that comes any black person or white woman who does not follow the stereotype assigned by left-wing ideologues.  Think Kanye West and Roseanne Barr.

The fictional character played by Roseanne Barr made the mistake of being successful.  This is not tolerated by the leftists who control most television situation comedies.  She was supposed to be funny, but only in the sense of being a laughingstock, an instrument of derision, someone by which to vicariously mock patriotism, religious values, and economic common sense.

Instead of embarrassing the right, however, her success proved to be a ridicule of the left.  Something had to be done.  An excuse had to be found by which to be rid of her.  Any excuse would do.  Being that all of us are imperfect, it is only a matter of time before the purest person in the world runs afoul of the thought police.  For Roseanne Barr, that moment finally came when, under the influence of a legal substance, she insulted a member of a protected racial class.

The left has no concept of forgiveness, none of mercy.  The penalty for even the slightest improper utterance – at least for fictional people – is "death."  And so it came to pass that Roseanne Barr was summarily fired.  The fictional character she played was killed off in the script – death by opioid overdose. 

The question is, how was that particular mode of death chosen?  True, the opioid epidemic is the crisis du jour in society.  But there was no literary foreshadowing of this manner of death.  It was simply not in the cards.  The script-writers would have, had they known, been skillful enough to plant the seeds beforehand.  Roseanne could have, in previous episodes, suffered back pain, depression, or any number of other factors that would explain the overdose of pain medication.  Absent that, a more credible cause of death might have been a stroke or heart attack.

For the sake of verisimilitude, here is a list of other plausibly scripted causes of death that could have been used – causes that are being foreshadowed every day in American society.  Any one of them would, IMHO, have been a better choice by which to "kill off" the fictional Roseanne.

10.  Murdered by an illegal alien

09.  Slain by an Islamist terrorist

08.  Slaughtered by a left-wing mob

07.  Died while having a routine surgical procedure in a Gosnellian clinic (think Joan Rivers)

06.  Hit by a car carrying Hillary Clinton to a campaign event

05.  Murdered by an atheist while saying grace in a restaurant

04.  Mistaken identity – it wasn't she who died.  She returns in some future episode.

03.  Died from an opioid overdose – but she comes back as a ghost

02.  Disappears – no one knows what happened.

And most likely of all:

01.  Murdered by a cowardly ABC network executive

As we all know by now, those who wield the most influence in the entertainment industry despise conservatives, especially those who succeed despite all expectations.  Donald Trump is their number-one deplorable, followed by Brett Kavanaugh.  After that comes any black person or white woman who does not follow the stereotype assigned by left-wing ideologues.  Think Kanye West and Roseanne Barr.

The fictional character played by Roseanne Barr made the mistake of being successful.  This is not tolerated by the leftists who control most television situation comedies.  She was supposed to be funny, but only in the sense of being a laughingstock, an instrument of derision, someone by which to vicariously mock patriotism, religious values, and economic common sense.

Instead of embarrassing the right, however, her success proved to be a ridicule of the left.  Something had to be done.  An excuse had to be found by which to be rid of her.  Any excuse would do.  Being that all of us are imperfect, it is only a matter of time before the purest person in the world runs afoul of the thought police.  For Roseanne Barr, that moment finally came when, under the influence of a legal substance, she insulted a member of a protected racial class.

The left has no concept of forgiveness, none of mercy.  The penalty for even the slightest improper utterance – at least for fictional people – is "death."  And so it came to pass that Roseanne Barr was summarily fired.  The fictional character she played was killed off in the script – death by opioid overdose. 

The question is, how was that particular mode of death chosen?  True, the opioid epidemic is the crisis du jour in society.  But there was no literary foreshadowing of this manner of death.  It was simply not in the cards.  The script-writers would have, had they known, been skillful enough to plant the seeds beforehand.  Roseanne could have, in previous episodes, suffered back pain, depression, or any number of other factors that would explain the overdose of pain medication.  Absent that, a more credible cause of death might have been a stroke or heart attack.

For the sake of verisimilitude, here is a list of other plausibly scripted causes of death that could have been used – causes that are being foreshadowed every day in American society.  Any one of them would, IMHO, have been a better choice by which to "kill off" the fictional Roseanne.

10.  Murdered by an illegal alien

09.  Slain by an Islamist terrorist

08.  Slaughtered by a left-wing mob

07.  Died while having a routine surgical procedure in a Gosnellian clinic (think Joan Rivers)

06.  Hit by a car carrying Hillary Clinton to a campaign event

05.  Murdered by an atheist while saying grace in a restaurant

04.  Mistaken identity – it wasn't she who died.  She returns in some future episode.

03.  Died from an opioid overdose – but she comes back as a ghost

02.  Disappears – no one knows what happened.

And most likely of all:

01.  Murdered by a cowardly ABC network executive