Help! How to update the Statue of Liberty for the era of illegal immigration?

A confused woman scaled the Statue of Liberty to protest the detention of illegal aliens.  Well, she almost scaled it.  She climbed to the base of the statue and then got tired and decided to take a small siesta there – not great optics for advocates who claim that illegal aliens are workers who come here to tirelessly pick our grapes and lettuce!

The woman, an "immigrant" (legal? illegal alien? that distinction is no longer made) named Therese Patricia Okoumou from the unaptly named Democratic Republic of Congo, seems to make a successful living suing people for being racists, something that's harder to do in Africa.  Unfortunately, Ms. Okoumou seems unaware of the political irony of her historically histrionic almost climb.

For the Statue of Liberty celebrates legal immigration, people who come to our shores in an orderly manner, get interviewed, examined, screened, and then let America decide who is best to let into our country and who is not.  The process that Okoumou was advocating for is a different one entirely, where people from other countries decide whether they come to America, and they come totally without screening of any kind.  They can be criminals, they can be uneducated, they can be people who want to live on the U.S. taxpayer, they can be very ill, they can have bedbugs, and so on.

In light of that, it is politically tone-deaf to use the Statue of Liberty, the symbol of legal immigration, for this kind of protest, at least unless the statue is updated.  In true Hollywood fashion, I think the Statue of Liberty should be "rebooted" to reflect the times:

1. It should be brown, not green.  Liberals remind us constantly that illegal aliens are mostly "brown," which is why we are supposedly opposed to them.

2. Lady Liberty should hold a voter registration card in one hand and an Obama-phone in the other.  In many states like California, illegal aliens can be automatically registered to vote when they get their driver's licenses, and there are many documented cases of illegals voting in elections, despite what liberals say.  As for the Obama-phone, that can be a symbol for all the welfare benefits illegals can immediately reap upon arrival.

3. A backpack full of narcotics.  Drug gangs that smuggle illegals into the country commonly use the illegals to ferry their narcotics.  Two for the price of one, eh?

4. Plaque written in Spanish.  The statue's plaque should be written in Spanish, our soon-to-be new national language.  Did you catch the article in today's WaPo celebrating the fact that Spanish is the primary language in "all-American" McAllen, Texas?

5. Lady Liberty should be wearing a donkey pin to symbolize all the voters the Democrats are importing.

6. Lady Liberty should be flanked by a dozen smaller statues, linked by chains, to reflect the wonders of chain migration.

7. The statue should be moved to the border with Mexico, and the torch should be rigged to light up in the absence of border agents.

What other changes do you think should be made to the Statue of Liberty to make it more socially relevant for our time?

Ed Straker is the senior writer at

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