Straight shooters don't shoot so straight

Nothing coming out of Washington annoys me more than conservative Republicans in the Trump administration, in Congress, and in conservative media punditry falling all over themselves to show their own sense of fair play by attributing an unrealistic sense of that same fairness to people who are anything but.  Go back to 2016 and try to count how many times you heard all those conservative folks reassure us that we had nothing to worry about with James Comey leading the investigation into Hillary Clinton, that he was a stand-up guy, a straight shooter, a man with impeccable credentials, whose ethics were beyond reproach, a cop's cop who could be counted on to conduct a thorough and impartial inquiry, devoid of Washington politics.  Well, so much for that stand-up guy and his sense of fair play, hmm?

And what about this deputy attorney general, Rod Rosenstein?  Yes, he may have been appointed by Trump, but who's to say the president didn't get fed the same load of straight shooter bilge that we got from the usual sources about how we could count on this guy, who seems to sit at the center of all these messes, to handle all these controversial investigations in a fair and impartial manner?  So far, all he has appeared to do is stonewall and obfuscate, fighting Republican congressional investigators tooth and nail, even threatening the congressional staffers sent to the DOJ to get information, that he would sic the full investigative powers of the federal government on them and their families, scaring some to tears.  Truly a nice guy, hmm?

Then there is Michael Horowitz, who, we were told endlessly by those conservatives who claimed to know, bears credentials even more sanctified than the now politically excommunicated FBI chief.  Horowitz, we were assured month after month, could be relied on to conduct a fair and balanced investigation of that same FBI chief and his henchmen, who supposedly conducted their own fair and unbiased inquiry into another pillar of left-wing virtue, Hillary Clinton.  Yeah, well, here we are with a 500-page summation of that seemingly never-ending investigation that concludes, despite the plentiful evidence to the contrary found within, that Comey and his criminal crew conducted their own fair and unbiased investigation of Madam Clinton and her corrupt and criminal cronies.  The guy may be fair, but he's bending over backwards so far to do it that he's talking to Congress from between his legs.

Now, in spite of all the evidence pointing to the contrary, we still have conservative Republican politicians and pundits telling us we can trust Robert Mueller to conduct his political witch hunt into this so-called Russian collusion farce.  We are reassured by those in the know that hey, the guy's a former Marine, ya know, as if that installs a lifelong halo over his saintly head.  Wasn't former Pennsylvania congressman John Murtha a Marine?  Yes, he was, and he was as crooked and corrupt as they come.  He was despised in the military community.  Service in the Corps does not in itself bestow sanctity on anyone, including Mueller.  If this guy is so politically impartial, then why did he staff up with nothing but Clinton suck-ups, who, we can be confident, are about as unbiased as the FBI clowns who have now been exposed as actual criminals?

So how about laying off all the blithe reassurances to the huddled masses, all you conservative insiders supposedly in the know?  As we've come to learn, our intuitive skills are obviously more finely honed than yours, perhaps because they are based in a common man's common sense that seems to evaporate from your own hallowed beings in the exalted atmosphere of the power towers of the political and journalistic elite.

Straight shooters, my flyover fanny...

Nothing coming out of Washington annoys me more than conservative Republicans in the Trump administration, in Congress, and in conservative media punditry falling all over themselves to show their own sense of fair play by attributing an unrealistic sense of that same fairness to people who are anything but.  Go back to 2016 and try to count how many times you heard all those conservative folks reassure us that we had nothing to worry about with James Comey leading the investigation into Hillary Clinton, that he was a stand-up guy, a straight shooter, a man with impeccable credentials, whose ethics were beyond reproach, a cop's cop who could be counted on to conduct a thorough and impartial inquiry, devoid of Washington politics.  Well, so much for that stand-up guy and his sense of fair play, hmm?

And what about this deputy attorney general, Rod Rosenstein?  Yes, he may have been appointed by Trump, but who's to say the president didn't get fed the same load of straight shooter bilge that we got from the usual sources about how we could count on this guy, who seems to sit at the center of all these messes, to handle all these controversial investigations in a fair and impartial manner?  So far, all he has appeared to do is stonewall and obfuscate, fighting Republican congressional investigators tooth and nail, even threatening the congressional staffers sent to the DOJ to get information, that he would sic the full investigative powers of the federal government on them and their families, scaring some to tears.  Truly a nice guy, hmm?

Then there is Michael Horowitz, who, we were told endlessly by those conservatives who claimed to know, bears credentials even more sanctified than the now politically excommunicated FBI chief.  Horowitz, we were assured month after month, could be relied on to conduct a fair and balanced investigation of that same FBI chief and his henchmen, who supposedly conducted their own fair and unbiased inquiry into another pillar of left-wing virtue, Hillary Clinton.  Yeah, well, here we are with a 500-page summation of that seemingly never-ending investigation that concludes, despite the plentiful evidence to the contrary found within, that Comey and his criminal crew conducted their own fair and unbiased investigation of Madam Clinton and her corrupt and criminal cronies.  The guy may be fair, but he's bending over backwards so far to do it that he's talking to Congress from between his legs.

Now, in spite of all the evidence pointing to the contrary, we still have conservative Republican politicians and pundits telling us we can trust Robert Mueller to conduct his political witch hunt into this so-called Russian collusion farce.  We are reassured by those in the know that hey, the guy's a former Marine, ya know, as if that installs a lifelong halo over his saintly head.  Wasn't former Pennsylvania congressman John Murtha a Marine?  Yes, he was, and he was as crooked and corrupt as they come.  He was despised in the military community.  Service in the Corps does not in itself bestow sanctity on anyone, including Mueller.  If this guy is so politically impartial, then why did he staff up with nothing but Clinton suck-ups, who, we can be confident, are about as unbiased as the FBI clowns who have now been exposed as actual criminals?

So how about laying off all the blithe reassurances to the huddled masses, all you conservative insiders supposedly in the know?  As we've come to learn, our intuitive skills are obviously more finely honed than yours, perhaps because they are based in a common man's common sense that seems to evaporate from your own hallowed beings in the exalted atmosphere of the power towers of the political and journalistic elite.

Straight shooters, my flyover fanny...