Sean Penn's debut novel is Trump assassination porn

Who knew that Sean Penn was a novelist?

Well, that may be a misnomer.  More accurately, he thinks he's a novelist.  His first effort in that regard comes in at a super-light 176 pages – a light book from a super-lightweight intellect.  In it, Penn apparently gushes Trump-hatred that even he should be embarrassed about.

According to this report in the Daily Mail, the novel revolves around the activities of the main character, Bob Honey, described as an "American man, entrepreneur, and part-time assassin."

The assassin's target?  A president who sounds remarkably like Donald Trump.

The main character, septic tank cleaner Bob Honey, tells tales of working with military contractors in Iraq, being employed by the government to kill the nation's resource-draining elderly, and meeting an El Chapo-esque drug lord who had just escaped prison.

Penn first released the gonzo journalism-style novel as an audiobook in 2016 under the pseudonym 'Pappy Pariah'.

During appearance at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art at the time, Penn said he had close bond with Pariah, but also called him a sociopath.

If the shoe fits...

Baby Boomer Honey tells readers of his neighbor's death by an out-of-control helicopter, his imaginary young girlfriend and a 'yellow lives matter' march – referring to Aryan blonds – at the Republican National Convention. 

Throughout the novel, Honey is followed around by an investigative reporter, who he seems skeptical of.

The reporter tells Honey he wanted to do a story after neighbors raised concerns about his odd behavior and strange work hours. 

Toward the end of the novel, Honey admits himself into a hospital and writes a letter to the president of the United States, who is eerily similar to Donald Trump but goes by the name, Mr Landlord.

He writes: 'Many wonderful American people in pain and rage elected you.  Many Russians did too.  Your position is an asterisk accepted as literally as your alternative facts.

'Though the office will remain real, you never were nor will be.  A million women so dwarfed your penis-edency on the streets of Washington and around the world on the day of your piddly inauguration – unprecedented (spelling ok?).'

The character says that those against Mr Landlord 'own the most powerful weapons on earth' which include 'dreams, the science of physics, seismology, geology, topography, and typhoons'.

Honey continues: 'Your gasconade and cache of catchphrases, so limiting and reflexive, escalate the emasculation of you by a world whose patience is in nuclear peril. These sciences and sensibilities are our guns your narcissism neglects.

There's more, but I realize that many of you may have just eaten breakfast.  Rather than take the risk of you upchucking all over your monitor, I'll stop.

I don't see the need to comment much on the content.  It's as if he wrote the book with a thesaurus open in front of him.  He obviously believes that this incoherent mess makes him sound intelligent.  "Your gasconade and cache of catchphrases..."  Huh?

For those who eagerly await the novel's publishing, it will be out March 27.  No doubt Penn will be in line for a Pulitzer or the National Book Award.  Instead, he should be quietly carted off to one of those very expensive, very exclusive rest homes where celebrities go to recover from their excesses.  For there is little doubt that Mr. Penn needs a long, long rest – preferably in restraints so he can't harm himself or us anymore.

Who knew that Sean Penn was a novelist?

Well, that may be a misnomer.  More accurately, he thinks he's a novelist.  His first effort in that regard comes in at a super-light 176 pages – a light book from a super-lightweight intellect.  In it, Penn apparently gushes Trump-hatred that even he should be embarrassed about.

According to this report in the Daily Mail, the novel revolves around the activities of the main character, Bob Honey, described as an "American man, entrepreneur, and part-time assassin."

The assassin's target?  A president who sounds remarkably like Donald Trump.

The main character, septic tank cleaner Bob Honey, tells tales of working with military contractors in Iraq, being employed by the government to kill the nation's resource-draining elderly, and meeting an El Chapo-esque drug lord who had just escaped prison.

Penn first released the gonzo journalism-style novel as an audiobook in 2016 under the pseudonym 'Pappy Pariah'.

During appearance at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art at the time, Penn said he had close bond with Pariah, but also called him a sociopath.

If the shoe fits...

Baby Boomer Honey tells readers of his neighbor's death by an out-of-control helicopter, his imaginary young girlfriend and a 'yellow lives matter' march – referring to Aryan blonds – at the Republican National Convention. 

Throughout the novel, Honey is followed around by an investigative reporter, who he seems skeptical of.

The reporter tells Honey he wanted to do a story after neighbors raised concerns about his odd behavior and strange work hours. 

Toward the end of the novel, Honey admits himself into a hospital and writes a letter to the president of the United States, who is eerily similar to Donald Trump but goes by the name, Mr Landlord.

He writes: 'Many wonderful American people in pain and rage elected you.  Many Russians did too.  Your position is an asterisk accepted as literally as your alternative facts.

'Though the office will remain real, you never were nor will be.  A million women so dwarfed your penis-edency on the streets of Washington and around the world on the day of your piddly inauguration – unprecedented (spelling ok?).'

The character says that those against Mr Landlord 'own the most powerful weapons on earth' which include 'dreams, the science of physics, seismology, geology, topography, and typhoons'.

Honey continues: 'Your gasconade and cache of catchphrases, so limiting and reflexive, escalate the emasculation of you by a world whose patience is in nuclear peril. These sciences and sensibilities are our guns your narcissism neglects.

There's more, but I realize that many of you may have just eaten breakfast.  Rather than take the risk of you upchucking all over your monitor, I'll stop.

I don't see the need to comment much on the content.  It's as if he wrote the book with a thesaurus open in front of him.  He obviously believes that this incoherent mess makes him sound intelligent.  "Your gasconade and cache of catchphrases..."  Huh?

For those who eagerly await the novel's publishing, it will be out March 27.  No doubt Penn will be in line for a Pulitzer or the National Book Award.  Instead, he should be quietly carted off to one of those very expensive, very exclusive rest homes where celebrities go to recover from their excesses.  For there is little doubt that Mr. Penn needs a long, long rest – preferably in restraints so he can't harm himself or us anymore.