Congress complains that Congress cannot run Congress

According to this news article, "Capitol Hill, with its marble floors and magnificently landscaped grounds, is for many a desirable place to work.  ... [L]ong winter and summer recesses, for example, help compensate for the [low] wages.  And for many, the opportunity to work in arguably the world's most powerful legislative body is a huge stepping stone for future endeavors."

However, not all is perfect in paradise.  A number of complaints were made by members of Congress in an open hearing.  They include the following:

  •  Low wages for aides
  •  Crummy and expensive the food in the cafeterias.
  •  The vulnerability of House garages to a terrorist attack.
  •  How security precautions make it inconvenient for staff to navigate the workplace.
  •  Nobody knows how many lawmakers carry firearms into the Capitol complex, perhaps increasing safety risks.
  •  Whether women should be charged for feminine hygiene products in the congressional convenience store.

Florida Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D) complained, "When you need a feminine hygiene product, you need one.  Immediately."  Quoting the article, "[s]he even showed a photo of out-of-order signs slung across feminine hygiene dispensaries around the Capitol."

Okay, members of Congress, since you obviously cannot run your own branch of the government, allow me, an ordinary citizen and voter, to do your job for you.  Here are my solutions to your problems.

1. For the feminine hygiene products problem, carry them in your purse.  And if it's a matter of gender equality, require men to carry them also (but not in purses).

2. For the weapons and security problems (this is a twofer):

a-fer) Require every member of Congress to carry a gun.  Make it an open-carry requirement.

b-fer) Have periodic military-style exercises simulating a terrorist attack.  Make the exercises live-fire to add realism.  If there are friendly fire casualties, well, just call them term limits.

3. For the food problem:

Brown-bag it, you idiots.

If you cannot even run a snack bar, what makes you think you can run a country?

4. If your underlings are underpaid, pay them out of your salary.  Either that, or improve the economy so they can afford stuff.

5. Don't bother to thank me.

According to this news article, "Capitol Hill, with its marble floors and magnificently landscaped grounds, is for many a desirable place to work.  ... [L]ong winter and summer recesses, for example, help compensate for the [low] wages.  And for many, the opportunity to work in arguably the world's most powerful legislative body is a huge stepping stone for future endeavors."

However, not all is perfect in paradise.  A number of complaints were made by members of Congress in an open hearing.  They include the following:

  •  Low wages for aides
  •  Crummy and expensive the food in the cafeterias.
  •  The vulnerability of House garages to a terrorist attack.
  •  How security precautions make it inconvenient for staff to navigate the workplace.
  •  Nobody knows how many lawmakers carry firearms into the Capitol complex, perhaps increasing safety risks.
  •  Whether women should be charged for feminine hygiene products in the congressional convenience store.

Florida Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D) complained, "When you need a feminine hygiene product, you need one.  Immediately."  Quoting the article, "[s]he even showed a photo of out-of-order signs slung across feminine hygiene dispensaries around the Capitol."

Okay, members of Congress, since you obviously cannot run your own branch of the government, allow me, an ordinary citizen and voter, to do your job for you.  Here are my solutions to your problems.

1. For the feminine hygiene products problem, carry them in your purse.  And if it's a matter of gender equality, require men to carry them also (but not in purses).

2. For the weapons and security problems (this is a twofer):

a-fer) Require every member of Congress to carry a gun.  Make it an open-carry requirement.

b-fer) Have periodic military-style exercises simulating a terrorist attack.  Make the exercises live-fire to add realism.  If there are friendly fire casualties, well, just call them term limits.

3. For the food problem:

Brown-bag it, you idiots.

If you cannot even run a snack bar, what makes you think you can run a country?

4. If your underlings are underpaid, pay them out of your salary.  Either that, or improve the economy so they can afford stuff.

5. Don't bother to thank me.