Chelsea Clinton’s desperation for attention gets pathetic

It must be tough being Chelsea Clinton, despite the ten-million-dollar apartment and the series of high-paying jobs for which she had no qualifications, in which her tenure was brief.  There are hordes of media sycophants desperate for a Clinton dynasty, and the Clinton political machine, bereft of its planned-for president, desperately needs a front-woman.  So the pressure to be glamorous, thought-provoking, charismatic,  and above all newsworthy is high, while the raw material available to Chelsea to meet these demands is less than impressive.

Like the rapidly aging Madonna or the still rising star Lady Gaga, Chelsea will grab at anything to stay in the news so as to build momentum for a run for Congress, presumably the safe seat currently held by 79-year-old Nita Lowey.  Apparently, a meat dress like that worn by Gaga is out of the question, so instead Chelsea has gone with lactation and menstruation.

Yahoo Celebrity (the perfect place!) reports:

Chelsea Clinton is advancing the conversation on menstruation and breastfeeding, two women's issues that are still met with stigmatization around the world.

The former first daughter says in a piece penned for Well and Good that although these topics are often perceived as uncomfortable to speak about, they are also "ones that have to be brought into the open and addressed."

This is feminist victimology, but more importantly, it is old hat.  The La Leche League has been promoting breastfeeding since the 1950s, and acceptance of mothers breastfeeding their babies in public is widespread.  Nothing new here, Chelsea.

As for menstruation, it is a bodily function involving the release of liquids with the potential to stain clothing, so it has some degree of hazard.  Like the bodily emissions of liquid and solid waste, it is something that is quite natural, yet we usually choose to keep it private.  What's next?  Celebrating what Elizabeth Warren calls "poop"?  Should Chelsea denounce Warren for using it as a swear word, when in fact it is a natural and beautiful function that should be celebrated in public?  She could even go the four-letter route and be a sort of "performance artist" – the term often applied to the untalented wannabes who get attention by violating norms, and engage in some literal eliminationist rhetoric.  Or actually take a page out of the book written by feminist notable Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D. (from the  Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality), a former prostitute who has gained wide fame in progressive circles for public performances that are "transgressive." 

Her best known theater and performance art piece is her Public Cervix Announcement, in which she invites the audience to "celebrate the female body" by viewing her cervix with a speculum and flashlight.

On her own website, she writes of her performances:

Most audience members shake their rattles vigorously, which can create a lot of energy and be very intense. Because I am wearing a wireless headset microphone, my breathing and other sounds are amplified.

I proceed to awaken my body, to create pathways for sexual energy to flow through me by stretching, undulating, shaking, and breathing. I slather myself with scented massage oil, anoint my third eye with my menstrual blood (when available) which helps inspire psychic visions.

I for one hope Chelsea gets together with Dr. Sprinkle and learns a few tricks.  America is pining for a national dialogue on menstruation and needs a leader unafraid to offer performance art in the halls of Congress.  Pro tip for MSNBC: Invite her on air for an interview and suggest that she bring a flashlight and speculum.

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