The Democrat frontrunners
Somehow, the United States has to learn to relax. We just finished the long and jangling roller coaster ride of the 2016 presidential election, and the media are already fulminating about the 2020 matchup with Trump.
With nothing better to do while it's snowing a blizzard outside in upstate New York, let me give you my two cents about the current (according to the New York Post) Democrat frontrunners:
Left to right: Mark Cuban, Andrew Cuomo, and Elizabeth Warren. Cuban hasn't a chance, because Americans don't like a candidate with a prognathic jaw who leads with his chin. Cuomo is a loser because he has the personality of a rodent dragging a slice of pizza along a subway platform, and Warren's out because voters will recognize her as one of those social-worker types who couldn't organize a family between two rabbits – and besides, she's forever stuck with the nickname Fauxcahontas, and ten to one Trump would mock her with a whoo, whoo, whoo war dance on the stage at the debates.
So not a lot there.
Maybe if they can get enough fluids into her, the Democrats could run Hillary again?
Richard F. Miniter is the author of The Things I Want Most, Random House, BDD. See it here. He lives and writes in the colonial-era hamlet of Stone Ridge, New York; blogs here; and can also be reached at email@example.com.