Hillary’s excruciating onstage ballet with Katy Perry
A week ago, in an effort to inspire Latino voters, women’s advocate Hillary Clinton stood by as J-Lo exposed her ample booty to a Miami crowd. A few nights later in Cleveland, to encourage black hip-hop voters, Hillary stood by again as Beyoncé trivialized her femininity while her husband, Jay-Z, dropped F-bombs and tossed around the N-word.
Then, just days before the 2016 election, in the hope of rousing disinterested millennials to pull the lever for Grandma, Hillary Clinton, looking completely out of place, was joined by a disgruntled pastor’s kid for yet another melodious arm-twister.
On a stage in Philadelphia, Hillary joined pop star Katy Perry, who must have realized that if she wanted to convince people to vote for the frumpy woman in the pantsuit, she’d need to do more than strip naked for a “Funny or Die” video.
Hence, in the City of Brotherly Love, after delivering a boring “better, fairer, stronger America” stump speech, Hillary introduced one-woman-lover of a very long list of “brothers” – Katy Perry.
Zany Katy, who acts as if she’s the Lucille Ball of pop music, poked fun at Donald Trump’s “nasty woman” comment by strutting onto the Mann Center stage in time to Janet Jackson’s “Nasty Boys.” A recovering evangelical, Perry, who is no longer with Jesus, wore blue leather leggings and a flowing cape emblazoned with the words "I'm with Madame president."
If votes are what Hillary really wants, maybe she should have just followed Katy’s lead and donned a blue wig and a cupcake bra.
Meanwhile, a rhythmically challenged "Hilly-C" got so caught up in the heat of the moment she made the fatal mistake of breaking into what looked like a spastic jig. In all honesty, as the promiscuous pop star yelled things at the audience like "Let me hear you roar for Hillary!," a clapping, grinning Clinton looked less like a candidate for president and more like an over-enthusiastic senior citizen trying really hard to fit in at a teenage dance party.
In truth, the whole thing was excruciating to watch.
At one point, Katy, decked out in over-the-top regalia, held hands with Mrs. Clinton and a curtain call of uncomfortable-looking Democrat politicians who were awkwardly pretending to have a blast.
After that strange lineup exited stage right, Katy, who learned how to proselytize growing up in a Christian home, attempted to cajole the crowd to vote for the socialist, pro-choice maven by weaving Hillary into songs like "Part of Me."
After she sang the lyric that says, "Find out who is really there for me," Katy hollered to the crowd, "Are you there for her?"
Evidently, K.P. is unaware that the presidential candidate she wanted people to be "there for," wasn't there for four Americans who returned home from Benghazi in coffins draped in the type of flag the pop star slipped into for the second half of the show.
As the evening progressed, Perry;s Hillary-4-President song metaphors included tunes like "Rise," which is what Hillary had trouble doing after she collapsed on a New York City sidewalk on September 11, and "Roar," which is what the gravelly-voiced shrew does whenever she tries to convince voters that Donald Trump is affiliated with the Ku Klux Klan.
Offering no explanation of how Hillary plans to "make the world a better place," at one point, Katy exhorted the crowd, shouting, "Shouldn't we have some fun whilst we make the world a better place?"
Maybe a more appropriate question would have been, "Shouldn't we have some fun whilst we attempt to convince people to elect the most corrupt politician in American history?"
Besides falling in and out of love faster than Hillary can deposit other people's money into a private bank account, Katy told the crowd that when she's not courting Orlando Bloom, she's out "knocking on doors."
So, Beyoncé, Jay-Z, and Katy Perry followed up J-Lo, but not before the cumbersome Lena Dunham danced her heart out in a rap video that paid homage to a "sensual pantsuit."
Next up, Bon Jovi and Mr. and Mrs. "Hope and Change" will join Hilly in Philly on Election Day eve.
In hopes of propelling the former secretary of state to victory, angry Michelle will play the sexist race card; sniveling provocateur Barry will scold and demand that the crowd "focus" entirely on him, and then John Bon Jovi will probably dedicate "Livin' on a Prayer" to a woman suffering from seizure.
But in the end, if all the ballyhoo still doesn't get out the vote in Philadelphia on Election Day, Obama can always stem the tide of Trump voters by dispatching a band of billy club-toting New Black Panthers.
Jeannie hosts a blog at www.jeannie-ology.com.