Hey, kids!  Thinking about becoming a "violent extremist"?  Don't Be a Puppet! (Wall Street Journal article here.)

Seriously – the FBI has created a website, complete with state-of-the-art graphics from about 25 years ago, to keep our youth from becoming "radicalized."  And no, the name of the site is not an oblique admonishment to Director James Comey.  This is serious business.

The home screen shows a man-cave featuring a Snap-On tool chest, computers, and papers lying all about – those extremists sure are messy.  Maybe the feds could use this as a teachable moment to promote kaizen and 5S.

For the kids who are toying with "radicalization," "a symbol can build pride or create a positive emotional connection. Symbols can also be used to create fear and to control people. Violent extremists have used various symbols over the years to fuel feelings of revenge and hatred."  Need an example?  Well here's Old Glory.  Not the sword and crescent, or even the hammer and sickle, but the American flag.

The section "Who Do Violent Extremists Affect?" features four videos: Boston Marathon Bombing, Attacks of 9/11, Hate Crime Survivor, and Oklahoma City Bombing.  These must all be about equivalent, yes?  Consider Hate Crime Survivor Nina Timani, "a Muslim Arab American and mother of two," who received a threatening letter.  Don't worry – nothing happened to her, because the FBI caught the person who sent the letter, but she's still a survivor, just like the families of the other victims.  Yep, I'd say that's just as horrific a crime as the other three.  See, Arab-Americans are victims, too.

We learn that "violent extremists" have attacked in several places, including the Pentagon, where 189 people were killed on 9/11.  But "the Pentagon was also bombed by domestic extremists in 1972, causing flooding in the building."  Oh, 189 dead vs. flooding.  Seems equivalent to me.

And don't forget Vail, Colo., where "environmental extremists torched and virtually destroyed a ski resort."  Or 1954, when Puerto Rican extremists attacked Congress.  See?  "Violent extremists" come in all shapes and sizes.

So what can cause this mysterious affliction?

• Social Alienation ("Consider healthy ways you can connect with others.")
• Anxiety ("Teens can be stressed by problems at home, grades, peer pressure, bullying, and other issues.")
• Frustration ("It's natural to feel frustrated or angry when you are treated unfairly or rejected by others.")
• Painful Experiences ("Painful experiences – including physical or emotional abuse, a romantic breakup, or the loss of a loved one – can upset a person and lead to lifelong challenges.")

I was frustrated last week when my hard disk crashed.  Recovery was a painful experience.  Should I be put on the FBI's watch list?

"Conflict Resolution Tips" has advice for dealing with these issues: "Keep your voice calm.  Never yell or scream," and so on.  "Where to Get Help" even has a link to www.stopbullying.gov.  The FBI as therapist to our victimized, therapeutic culture.  How the Federal Bureau of Investigation has fallen from the heady days when it chased the likes of Al Capone and John Dillinger.

"How Do Violent Extremists Make Contact?"  The answer will blow you away:

• Internet
• Cell phone
• Flyer

I kid you not.  Must be straight from Director Comey's desk, 'cause he's a real straight shooter, children, and he'd never lead you astray.  Director Comey says in a video, "We created this website to talk about violent extremism."  At least the Wall Street Journal quotes the video, but I cannot find it.  Maybe the director had it taken down, embarrassed by what it says about his time management.  After all, he was too busy to go to Hillary's interview but found the time to make a video for this puerile website.

What are examples of Domestic Extremist Ideologies?

• Sovereign citizen extremists
• Anarchist extremists
• White supremacy extremists
• Militia extremists
• Abortion extremists
• Animal rights and environmental extremists

Whoever the FBI hired to create this site confuses extremists (people) with ideologies (abstract nouns).  It's about as sophisticated as an eighth-grader writing a paper for social studies.

But back to the list: These are just "some of the most common domestic ideologies."  Here's a bonus the FBI might want to add to their Test Your Knowledge quiz: "What did Mohamed Bouhlel (Nice, 84 dead), Omar Mateen (Orlando, 49 dead), Nidal "Soldier of Allah" Hasan (Ft. Hood, 14 dead), and Syed Farook and Tashfeen Malik (San Bernardino, 14 dead) have in common?  Hint: They were not white supremacists, Presbyterians, or even members of the Sierra Club."

Oh, don't miss the "Slippery Slope" video game.  It looks as though it was made in 1985, but that is unfair to Pong and Dig Dug, which were more engrossing.  Yes, Slippery Slope should keep the gamers enraptured for hours.

I suppose Director Comey would say that if even one child is kept from radicalization, it's worth it.  Speaking of worth, how much did this site cost the FBI, or rather the American taxpayer?  The FBI spokesman demurred when asked.  I suppose national security, or executive privilege, would be offended if we were to know.

So this should be a win-win, yes?  Actually, no.  A teacher union (American Federation of Teachers), the American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee, and others are "deeply troubled" by the site.  A teacher in Dearborn, Mich. is afraid it "would ostracize those in her class with immigrant backgrounds."  So if you're eager to see how Director Comey allocates your tax dollars, visit today, for the site will probably be taken down soon.

Poor Director Comey and his G men, criticized from all sides.

Henry Percy is the nom de guerre of a writer in Arizona.  He may be reached at saler.50d[at]gmail.com.