Snowflake chronicles: elementary school bans whistles to signal end of recess as ‘too aggressive’ (Updated)

Western civilization has seriously gone off the rails. A mania has gripped those who educate young people, convincing them that any stress whatsoever is capable of triggering some unspecified disaster that is too horrible to specify. Moving beyond the obvious threats, such as a pop tart chewed into a shape vaguely resembling a gun, educators are now concerned that blowing a whistle to signal the end of recess will have awful consequences.

I don’t think this British site, OneMK is satirical, but I would,actually be relieved if it turned out we are being had:

 A Milton Keynes primary school has banned whistles from being used to signal the end of playtime because they are 'too aggressive' and might scare children.

Staff at St Monica's Catholic Primary SchoolDescription: in Neath Hill will instead raise their hand at the end of breaks, and hope the children spot them.

The ban on whistles was revealed by teaching assistant Pamela Cunningham in a letter to Country Life magazine, according to The Sunday Times, and she attacked the ban saying she still keeps her whistle in her pocket 'just in case'.

There are other civilizations that see children as far stronger, even to the point of training them to be suicide bombers. Do you think that our snowflakes will be able to defend Western Civilization?

Update from Selwyn Duke:

For whatever it's worth, here's what the elementary school recently posted at its website:

There is no ban on whistles at St Monica’s Catholic Primary School.  The view that loud noises can be ‘aggressive’ has never been a point of discussion in our school (let alone a policy).

We use a variety of methods to gain the attention of pupils in different settings, such as whistles, voices, bells and klaxons.  The raised hand is often employed in the classroom as an effective method, in line with many other primary schools, and we have also found it to be effective in our smaller playground with younger children.

Our children and staff communicate effectively using a variety of appropriate methods throughout the school day, particularly when undertaking the various competitive and noisy activities that our children enjoy, from inter-school leagues through to running around the playground being excited, happy and enthused children!

I think they should have addressed the matter of how the story originated, however. Anyway, I thought you'd want to know.
Hat tip: iOTW Report