We all know that Jeb Bush's campaign is failing.  No news there.  But what you don't know about are the nutty things Jeb is doing to try to revive his campaign.  Let's look at a few:

1) Desperately pining for an endorsement...from Lindsey Graham.

Throughout the campaign, Mr. Bush had made a point of texting Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina weekly, just to check in. On the morning Mr. Graham dropped out of the race for president, Mr. Bush was ready with the hard sell.

Mr. Bush immediately sent him a message, and the two men spoke on the phone later that day, when Mr. Bush made his pitch – that he was the best prepared to be commander in chief and the most qualified on Mr. Graham's main issue, national security.

Mr. Graham has publicly said he has no plans to endorse anyone right now. Many believe that privately, however, he is strongly leaning toward Mr. Bush, but that he does not want to support him unless he thinks Mr. Bush can actually win the nomination.

Okay, which is odder: Jeb Bush expending energy and time trying to get the support of a former candidate who has no support, or a former candidate who dropped out because he had no support worrying that endorsing a losing candidate might make him look weak?

The Times article said Bush wanted to "woo" Lindsey.  I hope that was not literal.

2) Saying weird things about Donald Trump:

"He wakes up in his pajamas and watches the TV shows on Saturday and Sunday," Mr. Bush said Monday, at a Cuban restaurant in Hialeah. "Donald Trump is not serious about being a candidate."

Huh?

3) Finishing fifth in Iowa:

In Iowa, Mr. Bush has two main goals: to finish no lower than fifth (third place is the optimistic goal) and, more important, to beat Mr. Christie.

Finishing fifth is a goal?  Really?

4) Figuring how to use George W. without making him look weak or inferior:

... how and where to use the 43rd president is a vexing question for the campaign. George Bush is certain to remind voters that his brother hails from a political dynasty. And he could force Jeb Bush to confront the decision to invade Iraq, an issue the candidate stumbled over early on. Aides further worry that the former president, a charismatic and agile campaigner, could outshine his brother on the stump.

So Jeb is afraid of using his brother for fear that he will look inferior in comparison to him.  Why is this man running for president at all?

5) More ad spending.  Bush's super-PAC, Right to Rise, is going to spend several million more in ads, because the first $50 million they spent was so successful, with Bush now 4% in the polls.

6) Campaign signs in Spanish.

When a candidate is accused of being soft on illegal aliens, many of whom speak Spanish, it is not the wisest policy to have campaign signs in that language.  It might give voters the impression that the candidate, rather than merely doing routine pandering, is more sympathetic to said population than to English-speaking counterparts.  I think someone like Donald Trump or Ted Cruz, both of whom have solid credentials on the subject, could pull it off, but for Jeb to do it just reminds people of that "act of love" line.  And what is going on with that man's T-shirt that says "God loves Jeb"?  Was there a formal endorsement?  If so, I missed the press conference.

Exit question: When a damaged submarine sinks deep enough, it reaches something called "crush depth."  What will be Jeb Bush's?

This article was written by Ed Straker, senior writer of NewsMachete.com, the conservative news site.