Obama deports the peas from the guacamole
Totally unconcerned about ISIS’s stated intent to put American heads on spikes, sitting in the White House safely behind a newly reinforced spiked fence, Barack Obama felt moved to weigh in on the heavy issue of a concoction credited to the ancient Aztecs: guacamole.
Coincidentally, the Aztecs were notorious for beheading sacrificial victims with the same gusto as modern-day ISIS.
But this 4th of July, it isn’t ISIS threatening to emulate the Aztecs on American soil that has captured Obama’s attention. Instead, it’s the audacity of the New York Times’ suggestion that peas should be added to guacamole.
Much like “Let’s Move!” Michelle’s gag-worthy ideas about ramping up nutrition levels by adding spinach to meatballs and cauliflower to scrambled eggs, out of the blue, someone at the New York Times proposed adding fresh green peas to guacamole.
As always, with priorities firmly in order, Barack Obama, who probably never noticed ISIS’s strong similarity to the guacamole-loving, head-chopping Aztecs, did find time on Twitter to extol “classic” guacamole dip:
The blasphemous pea suggestion got more of an emotional response from the president than barbaric ISIS soldiers in Iraq drowning prisoners in cages and detonating explosive devices wrapped around their victims’ necks.
Based on his emphatic all-lowercase-letter Twitter response, it’s clear that for Barack Obama that ISIS threats take a backseat to purist guacamole preferences, and when it comes to vegetable varieties, Obama has no problem with discrimination.
The glaring hypocrisy here is that Obama thinks peas should be banned from invading the avocado dip, but he allows guacamole-eaters to invade the U.S.
Although many Americans are probably charmed with a president who weighs in on the pressing issue of guacamole, in the meantime, the reality of ISIS potentially executing a catastrophic event on the 4th of July makes Obama’s insistence on the proper ingredients in guacamole somewhat of a moot point.
Then again, on the cusp of a revered American holiday, and considering the timing and theme of the debate, there may be método para la locura de Barack Obama.
Suddenly, when we should be discussing potato salad and hot dogs, a few days before the 4th of July, the debate is all about Mexican food.
Could offering up an inclusive tweet on July 1st that celebrates a bowl of Mexican smashed avocados, lime, and cilantro be Barack Obama’s way of reaching out to 11 to 40 million illegal aliens, commending the Supreme Court’s decision on undocumented voters, and showing Confederate flag lovers a thing or two about which flag has the president’s approval?
Sort of like insulting 40% of America by lighting up the White House to look like a gay pride rainbow, could the president be sending yet another screw-America message by purposely elevating tortilla chips and guac above jingoistic snack foods like potato chips and onion dip?
Sorry to have to say it, but this president is that spiteful, petty, and immature.
For whatever reason, in the midst of dire security threats, Barack Obama has chosen to take up pressing issues like deporting peas from dip and whether to a-peas or not to a-peas Iran.
And while Obama was busy tweeting his culinary preferences, on July the 1st, the FBI was constructing command centers across the U.S. to monitor ISIS, whose pea-less guacamole recipe for Independence Day includes a generous helping of gore and heads piled up like avocados.
Jeannie hosts a blog at www.jeannie-ology.com.