I am royalty born in a commoner's body, and society is discriminating against me

I was born in the body of a regular person, but in my mind, I feel I am royalty.  I can't help this feeling; it's just the way I am.  And it upsets me when people don't treat me according to my royal identity.  When men talk to me, they do not bend the knee; women do not bow or even curtsy.  And no one calls me "m'lord" or even apologizes for retreating from my royal presence without leave.

I didn't ask to be born this way; it's just the way I am.  And I feel very discriminated against by society, which treats me like a commoner.  When I go into a bathroom, everyone should leave so I can use it, but no one does.  That makes me very uncomfortable.  All I want to do is to go to the bathroom in peace!  I think every business should either make everyone leave when I enter the bathroom or have a bathroom that can be used only by royalty.

When I go to stores, shopkeepers refuse to do my shopping for me, and they always insist I pay them.  I am their king, their sovereign; I feel that every time they ask me to pay for what is already rightfully mine, it's like a microaggression that feels as painful as regicide.

What's even worse is that in stores, there are express lines for people with fewer items, but no express lines for kings or princes.  I view that as a form of discrimination.  When I call a business on the phone, I can press a number to get immediate assistance in Spanish, but there is no number to press to get immediate assistance if I am royalty.

Furthermore, I look at the currency we use, and my likeness is on none of it.  Why cannot currency be made that respects my psychological orientation of being sovereign?  Is that really too much to ask?

I would also appreciate it if schoolchildren were taught that I am royalty and to accord me the proper respect.  Like the gays and the transvestites and soon the polygamists, that's all I want: a little respect.  I want children to learn to bend the knee at my presence and call me "m'lord."  They should be taught in books that I am their sovereign, and they should show me respect with their obedience.

I also don't think it's asking too much for television shows and films to depict me as their royal and in a positive light.  I want society to have a positive view of me and I think it is up to the media to encourage tolerance and obedience to my rule.

Given that this is a condition I was born with, and I just want to be me, do you see anything unreasonable in asking society to show me a little tolerance and respect?

This article was produced by NewsMachete.com, the royal conservative news site.