The University of California published a guide to microaggressions.  If you don't know what that is, microaggressions are ordinary,  unoffensive comments and actions that offend feminists and minority "activists" with chips on their shoulders.

Because this is such a big problem in the minds of liberals, UC has published an unintentionally hysterical guide to microaggressive behavior.  What follows is a list of microaggresive behaviors, exactly as written, and then my own interpretation of what would not be microaggressive alternatives:

Microaggressive: Saying you're not a racist because you have Black friends.

Not Microaggressive: Saying you're a not a racist because you have black friends who are also racist.

Microaggressive: To compliment an Asian person on his math abilities.

Not Microaggressive: To compliment an Asian person on his reading abilities.

Microaggressive: "America is a melting pot" or "There is only  one race, the human race"

Not Microaggressive: "You are as different from me as I am from an amoeba."

Microaggressive: "As a woman, I know what you're going through being a minority."

Not Microaggressive: "As a minority, I know what you're going through being a woman."

Microaggressive: "I believe the most qualified person should get the job."  (Really – this is actually listed as a "microaggression"!)

Not Microaggressive: "I believe that the least white person should get the job."

Microaggressive: To ask people where they are from "Hey, are you from Sacramento too?"

Not Microaggressive: To ask people where they are not from: "You're not from one of the 49 contiguous states, are you?"

Microaggressive: "America is the land of opportunity, you can get ahead if you work hard."

Not Microaggressive: "America is the land of opportunity.  You can get ahead even if you work hard or, if you're not into that, go on welfare."

Microaggressive: Asking an Asian "Why are you so quiet? Speak up more!"

Not Microaggressive: Telling an Asian: "Shut up!  Keep your big mouth closed!"

Microaggressive: Faculty of color mistaken for service worker.

Not Microaggressive: White faculty member mistaken for professor.

Microaggressive: Female doctor mistaken for nurse.

Not Microaggressive: Male nurse mistaken for heterosexual.

Microaggressive: Raising your voice when speaking to a blind student.

Not Microaggressive: Gesturing with your hands when speaking to a deaf student.

Microaggressive: Being forced to choose between male and female on a form.  (This was really on the UC guidelines!)

Not Microaggressive: Asking applicants if they could go to the bathroom two feet away from a urinal.

Microaggressive: Asking if a student is married or single.

Not Microaggressive: Giving an option for "all of the above."

Microaggressive: Labeling a heterosexual man who hangs out with women as gay.

Not Microaggressive: Labeling a homosexual man who hangs out with heterosexual men as not giving up easily.

Microaggressive: Looking at a woman's ring finger when she says she's 31 years old.

Not Microaggressive: Looking at her chest when she says she's less than 31 years old.

Microaggressive: Showing surprise when a feminine woman says she's a lesbian.

Not Microaggressive: Feigning surprise when a masculine woman says she's a lesbian.

The funniest part about all this is that the people who wrote this were serious!  Not only are they trying to make ordinary statements offensive, but they are trying to make statements like "America is the land of opportunity" and "the most qualified person should be hired" appear bigoted.  If you were in charge of the UC system, what would you suggest to further foment resentment among the ethnicities and sexes?

This article was produced by NewsMachete.com, the conservative news site.