Hillary's place is in the big house, not the White House
Hillary and Bill Clinton’s combined net worth is about $55 million, give or take a hidden dollar here or an unaccounted-for million there. But accumulated wealth and big-money contributors have not stopped the tactically talented former first lady from opening an online schlock shop where she hopes to rake in even more money selling pint beer glasses, yard signage, and canvas carpetbags emblazoned with “H” for huckster...er, I mean Hillary!
Despite Hillary belonging in the big house, there are even tacky embroidered throw pillows that say “A woman’s place is in the White House.”
Nonetheless, for those who still want to take Mrs. Clinton’s 2016 message on the road, the store has bumper stickers complete with Hillary-inspired phallic symbols. And for babies who, no thanks to You-Know-Who, somehow miraculously made it out of the womb alive, there are “Future Voter Onesies.”
Wondering how the presidential hopeful got from Benghazi to “Hats off to Hillary” headgear? Well, somewhere along the line Hillary must have realized that self-deprecating humor is her friend and being the butt (no pun intended) of jokes might make her more likeable to a nation that for the most part doesn’t trust her.
The idea to poke harmless fun at herself must be why the “smartest woman in the world,” brilliant merchandising mogul that she is, got way out in front of some of her harshest critics and inserted a comedic side to her online store by selling a pantsuit T-shirt.
That’s right – Hillary Clinton has sprinkled sales savvy with a dose of humor in an ingenious plan to offer consumers an everyday (wink, wink) pantsuit T-shirt that looks like a 1980s tuxedo top but screams “Say Yes!” to the same woman who singlehandedly made Home Depot orange symbolic of girl power.
If one stops by her online store, in the “Apparel Section,” along with a group of ethnically diverse models, there’s an attractive African-American woman modeling the “Everyday Pantsuit Tee” who, besides wearing an ensemble complete with painted-on pockets and pearls, also sports an uptight grandma bun that sits smack on the top of her head.
Once one gets past the hairdo, both casual browsers and partisan consumers are immediately reassured that Hillary’s T-shirts are “American Made” and that the “Pantsuit up” slogan emblazoned on the back is union-printed.
The problem for those actually interested in purchasing a T-shirt is that thus far, the choices are limited to one, because the only color available is blood red. And despite Hillary’s newfound playfulness, she does have a long, sordid history and a mile-high body count. That’s why “blood red,” although a little creepy, aptly embodies the full trajectory of Mrs. Clinton’s political life.
Then again, if the inspiration for T-shirt-color choices were to reflect Hillary’s less humorous, more sinister activities and dealings, then any day now a white Whitewater tee should be added to the collection.
And what a great idea!
After Whitewater white, Hillary’s involvement in Travelgate could be commemorated with a travel-worthy turquoise tee. There could also be 100% cotton Rose Law Firm rose-colored T-shirts, as well as Billing Office beige and an earthy cow pie hue for Cattle Futures.
If coming up with a fuller palette of colors stands to sell more T-shirts, there’s always the notorious Gap dress blue! And oh, let’s not leave out the Benghazi “what difference at this point does it make” black, shady Clinton Foundation fuchsia, pro-abortion purple, missing e-mail magenta, Tuzla tarmac denim, and everyone’s favorite, a Bill Clinton Caribbean-themed “Pedophile Island” tie-dye $30 pajama top, bottoms not included.
Hearkening back to the good old days, Hillary could stroll down memory lane with old-friend T-shirt pigments like the Ron Brown burgundy, Vince Foster violet, Gennifer Flowers gold, and Kathleen Willey khaki.
But in all seriousness, if past political improprieties did inspire her T-shirt color chart, at the very least it would reconfirm for erstwhile Hillary voters that Mrs. Clinton and her cheesy lapel pins and cheap plastic I ♥ Hillary tumblers belong in the big house, not the White House.
Jeannie also hosts a blog at www.jeannie-ology.com.