New York City has discovered the perfect recipe for raising children, and has decreed that all children in child care follow it:  

The city's Board of Health on Monday announced dramatically stricter rules for all licensed city day cares, including a limit on how much juice kids can drink. Under the new rules, designed to try to cut obesity rates, children must be at least 2 years old before they can take their first sip of juice at day care, and they are only allowed four ounces a day. Other new rules restrict kids' "sedentary time" to less than 30 minutes a day – down from 60 minutes a day currently – and only one half-hour of screen time a week.

I applaud this.  Government obviously knows better than parents how much juice a child should drink, and how long children should be sitting or watching television every day.  Government also knows what children should be watching on television, too, by the way, and I hope to see follow-up legislation on that as well.

But while children's health is important, so is the health of the mayor of New York City.  I think New York should pass commonsense legislation that requires the mayor to do the following:

1) Not sit more than 15 minutes a day; if necessary, he can govern on a treadmill.

2) Have his solid waste weighed on a daily basis.  If under six ounces, the mayor should be given an enema.

3) Live on a 100% vegan diet, which will help reduce global warming.

4) Avoid drinking alcohol entirely, which has way too many calories.

5) Live on a strict 1,500-calorie diet until his BMI index falls into the healthy range.

6) Avoid all kinds of smoking, even for medicinal purposes.

7) Do 50 jumping jacks and 50 pushups daily, and not be permitted to govern until he has done so.

8) Be examined weekly by a proctologist to check for obstructions or stress fractures.

9) Not be permitted to watch more than 30 minutes of television per day (to set a good example for the kids), with the exception that he should be permitted to watch an unlimited amount of Fox News.

10) Have an implant that monitors his blood pressure remotely by computer.  If he gets angry or aggravated, an alarm will sound, and a mild sedative will automatically enter his bloodstream.  These requirements may sound obtrusive, but if the government is getting into the business of mandating how we live, shouldn't it also apply to politicians?

This article was produced by NewsMachete.com, the conservative news site.