How might Hillary Clinton launder money?

In one unforgettable episode of Doctor Who, citizens of London are captured, and their heads are cut open.  Their brains removed and modified and then inserted into the bodies of evil robots called Cybermen.  This being a BBC show, they couldn't show this on the air, so the victims had plastic shower curtains all around them.  You could hear the screams and the cutting blades, but you couldn't actually see what was going on.

The result: something really terrible was happening, but we didn't know exactly what it was.

This opaque horror scene reminds me of Hillary Clinton.  The fact that she used a private e-mail server while in government shows that something suspicious is going on.  We know she shouldn't have solicited donations for her foundation while secretary of state; she solicited funds from some sleazy Arab dictatorships who oppress "women and girls," but it still isn't quite clear what happened.

Let me try to shed some light on some possibilities.  For starters, many people think that because the Bill, Hillary and Chelsea Clinton foundation was a nonprofit, the Clintons couldn't have profited from it.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  Nonprofits can't have stockholders who profit from money coming into the nonprofit, it is true.  However, officers of the corporation, such as Bill, Hillary, and Chelsea Clinton, can command enormous salaries.

The IRS says that salaries for nonprofit officers must be "reasonable," and if they're not, the IRS can take action.  That acts as some check against abusively large salaries at nonprofits.  But does anyone believe that this IRS under this administration would take any actions against Hillary's foundation?  In effect, the Clintons can set whatever salaries they like for themselves and make a killing.

But that's only one way to make money from a nonprofit.  The next piece of the picture is the donors.  Why would foreign countries, Arab governments in particular, give large sums to her foundation?  Do you think Saudi Arabia had the same interest in promoting "women and girls" that Mrs. Clinton does?  (For the record, Mr. Clinton also has an interest in "women and girls," but he conducts his philanthropy on a different level.)

It stands to reason that Arab countries might give her money to sway her conduct of her official duties as secretary of state.  Does Kuwait need some advanced American weaponry?  Does Saudi Arabia want a prince with a questionable past admitted to the United States?  Mrs. Clinton doesn't have the power to do everything, but she can often influence the people who do.

Foreign countries might also donate to her foundation now to get influence later if she is elected president.  It's not seemly for foreign powers to donate to a political campaign, but they can get around the bad optics of doing so by donating to Mrs. Clinton's foundation instead, and retain the same influence.

Companies can also donate to her to get special favors.  For example, if a multinational wants a special preference from Venezuela, it can donate a large sum to Mrs. Clinton's foundation and then expect Mrs. Clinton to take it up with the Venezuelan government.

But how do the Clintons profit from this, salaries aside?  That's not enough to satisfy their appetite for money.  Well, the next part is trickier.

When the Clintons get the donations, they can't simply give it to themselves, except in salary.  They have to launder most of it.  So what they could do is subcontract out the "foundation work" to companies run by their friends.  In return for millions of dollars of business steered their way, their friends can kick back a small percentage of it – say, 5% or 10% – to a secret bank account nominally owned by an anonymous corporation.  This anonymous corporation would be owned by another, which would be owned by another, eventually leading back to the Clintons.  You may not think five or ten percent is very much, but when you're talking about over one billion dollars raised, it becomes a very large sum of money.

Of course, I am not saying this is what is happening.  I am saying that this is what might be happening.  All we know is that Mrs. Clinton's interest in protecting "girls and women" goes no farther than the door of her husband's bedroom.  If she's doing this out of any purpose other than altruism, this might be what she's up to.

Pedro Gonzales is the editor of Newsmachete.com, the conservative news site.