The Ambassador From Massachusetts

Speculation is running wild here in Massachusetts over who will run to replace current U.S. senator John Kerry once his nomination to become U.S. secretary of state is approved without protest by the good ole boys club in the Senate.

Names bandied about concerning potential candidates have included the ridiculous (Connecticut resident Ted Kennedy, Jr.), the more ridiculous (actor Ben Affleck), the oily (congressman-for-life Edward Markey), and the recently dismissed (Scott Brown, scalped by Chief Spreading Bull in November).

Like almost everything else in America, the United States Senate has long been unmoored from its original purpose and function. The framers designed the Senate to be a deliberative body comprised of two ambassadors from each of the several states, sent there by the legislatures of those states to give them a voice in the national government and to serve as a check on the executive and the potential tyranny of the majority. The 17th Amendment favored by the progressives obliterated this arrangement. Now the Senate consists of  a hundred free agents, the majority of whom, at this point, seem to do nothing more than the bidding of Barack Obama.

Perhaps it is time for an independent voice from Massachusetts, someone who would better reflect those of us here who reject the fundamental transformation of our country from a democratic republic to a social democracy. Perhaps it is time for someone who better reflects the spirit of independence and the principles that were the cornerstones of the events at Lexington and Concord. Perhaps it is time for a citizen-legislator. Why not me?

My credentials? I am not credentialed, and proudly so. My experience on Capitol Hill amounts to three months as a congressional intern. I have never held political office. I do not hold a degree from an Ivy League institution. I am not an attorney. I am beholden to no political party and no interests other than those of the United States Constitution and the principle of equality before the law.

There are, of course, similarities and differences between the current and future senators from the Commonwealth and me. Like incoming senator Elizabeth Warren, I was not born in Massachusetts. Unlike Warren, were I to plagiarize a cookbook of my ancestors' recipes, it would be a collection of dishes made by my Hoosier grandmothers. Unlike Kerry, I do not own a yacht moored in Rhode Island to avoid paying taxes in Massachusetts. Unlike Kerry, I do not own a yacht. As for Brown? I have not owned a barn jacket since the 1990s.

My platform is straightforward. I will accept only half of the current salary paid to individual senators and will decline the federal pension that comes along with merely writing one's name in the Senate rolls. A symbolic gesture, the money that I will leave on the table can be applied to the debt, which should help fund the government for about 30 seconds. I will pay my own way for travel between Massachusetts and Washington during my term. My staff will be thin. I can drive myself around.

I will run for re-election exactly once and introduce a Constitutional amendment restricting United States senators to a maximum of two full terms of service. I will introduce legislation to begin the process of repealing the 17th Amendment in order to return to the state legislatures their influence upon national government.

I will take a sledgehammer to federal budget spending. I will introduce legislation to totally eliminate funding for non-essential government functions - everything from the Corporation for Public Broadcasting to the Department of Education.

Incidentally, all legislation that I propose will be no more than ten pages of printer paper in length and will be written by me - not staffers, not lobbyists, nor anyone else. I will also write all of my own speeches, whether they are addresses to the chamber of commerce in Sturbridge or to the Senate in session.

I will demand that Hillary Clinton and President Obama, among others, are subpoenaed and hauled in front of the appropriate Senate committees to testify as to their roles in the Benghazi debacle. I will demand that attorney general Eric Holder and, again, Obama, are subpoenaed for their roles in Fast and Furious. The latter hearings will provide another opportunity to discuss gun control.

Excepting the unlikely event that President Obama will nominate strict constructionists to the federal bench, I will filibuster every judicial nominee Obama presents to the Senate. I will do so by taking to the Senate floor and reading aloud from The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire by Edward Gibbon and A History of the English Speaking Peoples, written by Obama's favorite author, Winston Churchill. "Obstructionist!" the administration and its court eunuchs will shout. "Indeed," I shall reply.

I will publicly ridicule, mock, and challenge the eminently ridiculous, clownish, and lawless Harry Reid and the Democratic leadership in the Senate at every conceivable turn. I have no desire to reach across the aisle and extend my hand in friendship when everyone knows I will receive a bloody stump for my effort.

I have no desire to become BFFs with John McCain and Lindsey Graham. I have no desire to become an entrenched member of the clubbish Senate (I already know where the candy drawer is on the floor). Nor do I have any desire to attend Georgetown cocktail parties hosted by the self-appointed arbiters of style and class who, as it turns out, have neither.

In short, I will be an ambassador on behalf of those of left in the commonwealth who adhere to the Constitution, recognize the limitations it places on the federal government, and desire to hold the corrupt and lawless administration to the scrutiny it has earned.

Now, then, do you think a certain party would ever nominate someone like me?


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